Instantly
by bluebearsita
Summary: Lena Adams is a young administrator at a local San Diego charter school. Stef Foster is a mom who has recently separated from her husband. This is my attempt to show how Lena and Stef went from that first flashback meeting to Stef and Lena admitting their mutual love for each other. *It's a slow burn, I wrote this to realistically figure out how these women began a relationship.*
1. First Meeting

Separation, what an ugly word. For Stef Foster, it was even worse because her son Brandon was old enough to ask questions. And Stef wasn't ready to answer any of them. Still, she did her best to tell the truth and explain to her little boy that daddy and mommy needed time apart. "Can't daddy stay?" was quickly answered with an assurance that he could spend the weekend with daddy. Her own parents had always filled her head with lies, always trying to manipulate her. She'd long ago made a vow that she would be honest, face problems and not hide them from her child.

Ironically, hiding was what she was doing. Brandon was ready for kindergarten and she had avoided enrolling him. Mike was no help, he only seemed interested in seeing her, not Brandon's concerns. She had always thought they would both enthusiastically take B to his new school, proud mom and dad, ideal couple. She'd believed in that fantasy more than she'd believed in anything. She had stuck it out in the marriage for so long in order to fulfill that dream. The dream was shattered now. She'd have to show her face, absent father and all.

"Stef, look, I've set it all up sweetie," Sharon looked impatiently at her daughter, interrupting Stef's thoughts. "You'll be meeting with their Vice Principal, it's a lovely charter school and I got Brandon in through their lottery system."

"Mom, I can't just…" Stef knew that Sharon was only trying to help, but she hated the way she never asked her what she thought.

"Sure you can, what else have you got for Brandon?" sitting in Stef's living room, Sharon could see the effects the separation had had on Stef. Normally a very decisive woman, Stef seemed lost and afraid, so far removed from the assertive police officer most people saw. Sharon hoped Stef would find what she needed because she had known for a while that Stef was not a happy woman. As a divorcee herself, she knew the price of staying in an unhappy marriage.

"Mom…"

"For Brandon…"

Stef shook her head in defeat. Sharon had a way of convincing anyone of anything and Stef was too worn out to argue. "Fine, for once you are right. Brandon needs a school. It is not his fault..." Stef did not know how to finish that sentence. She would have to know how her marriage had failed. The truth, she was coming to realize, was that it had never failed because it hadn't ever worked. Something had gone wrong very early on. It was time to begin to move on, "Ok, fine. When am I going?"

"Um… in two hours…" Sharon had acted on a hunch that things had to be done quickly before Stef changed her mind.

"But…"

Sharon quickly interrupted Stef, "You have enough time for a shower, go get ready." She wasn't going to give Stef the opportunity to back out. Strike while the iron was hot.

Stef realized it was a losing battle and she would better served by just doing as she was told. There was only one problem, she had nothing to wear.

Lena Adams was enjoying her relatively new tenure as an administrator. She'd labored as a 7th grade teacher for a few years before deciding that her leadership skills could better serve the whole school. In her second year as Vice Principal, she enjoyed dealing with discipline problems and difficult parents. The bureaucracy was the only unpleasant part of the job. She was lucky, the school was a charter school and that meant they had discretion over budgets and policies, making for a decreased load in paperwork. After a morning of signatures and applications, she was looking forward to guiding perspective parents around the school. She was proud of the campus and enjoyed showing it off. Today's tour was for a kindergarten student, she'd have to reassure the parents that the older kids were separated from the little ones and that they'd have their own yard. Most parents welcomed the chance to have their kids at one school from Kindergarten to 12 grade. She knew how to sell the benefits, this afternoon would be routine.

Stef stared at the sign, "Anchor Beach Charter School." And they're really not lying about the beach part, she thought. The sprawling campus sat right on the Ocean. That might be great for the older kids but young kids and water were a bad mix. Brandon would be surely drawn to it and he couldn't swim quite yet. She didn't want to prejudge, but the school seemed too good to be true.

She took the last few steps in and was led right to the main office. She was there to meet a Ms. Adams. After a short inquiry, they informed her that Ms. Adams would meet her in the kindergarten yard, where she liked to meet parents for tours. Stef wasn't impressed with the informality. She would have rather met this woman in the office.

Once at the yard, she was surprised to find small children playing on swings safely gated away from the ocean. She picked a bench near the children and sat there, imagining little B playing with friends.

Lena approached the woman on the bench, certain that she could handle the situation and put yet another parent at ease. "Sorry to keep you waiting." In that moment, the woman turned to face her and for one instant Lena had to shake herself of the feeling that this woman might change her life, "hi, I am Lena Adams, the assistant vice principal." She managed to finish with a big smile.

"Hi, I am Stef Foster," the blonde stammered her name out. This woman, this Lena, was the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen. This surely was the reason for this feeling, this awe. Women like her were models, not vice principals. She reached out and shook hands with this statuesque, clearly charming woman and wondered why her hand was tingling.

Lena could not explain the reason for the prolonged contact. She just couldn't let go. Stef was beautiful, anyone could see that. But it was that honest, earnest look in the blonde's eye that had her mesmerized. It was starting to become awkward, but Lena knew how to break those kind of moments with beautiful women. She could keep her emotions in check. She laughed nervously, "so your son."

"Ah Brandon… is… Brandon." Stef could not believe how stupid she was sounding. Ms. Adams was not a celebrity. She really need to get herself under control.

"Brandon." Lena on the other hand could always count on her ability to control her emotions.

"Right." Stef wondered if she'd be responding with syllables next. She'd gone from sentences to phrases to words.

"He will be starting kindergarten this fall." It was a well-rehearsed speech and Lena was determined to stick to the script.

"Yes, he's five," the young mom was beginning to find her footing again and was grateful for the professionalism this woman was exhibiting.

"Great. Well, I would be glad to give you a tour tell you about our school. Are we waiting for your husband to join?" Lena could have kicked herself. In another context, that might have sounded like a line, a come-on. 'Stick to the script,' she had told herself, but she was compelled to find out more about this woman and why she was here alone.

The question threw Stef. This was exactly what Stef had been avoiding. She didn't want to admit that she was doing this alone. Still, this woman's mere presence made her forget about that anxiety, "Ah no, he's not... he ah." She composed herself, "he couldn't make it." She laughed nervously, covering up for the things she was leaving unsaid, "so…"

"Ok." Lena hesitated, wondering what all that meant. "Well um," Lena once again remembered her training, "follow me."

Stef didn't know why, but she straightened her shirt, pulling at it, feeling inadequate. She silently cursed her mom for not giving her enough time to get ready. Maybe this woman's natural beauty was making her self-conscious, but for some reason, she wanted to look her best.


	2. Bonding

Chapter 2 - Bonding

"You're standing in our Kinder yard. This is completely isolated from the other kids, including the other elementary kids." Lena spoke confidently, now in comfortable territory.

"I must admit I was worried about Brandon catching some waves when I first walked into the school." Stef joked finding her footing.

Lena laughed, "most parents won't admit to that fear, but it is one of our major security concerns. We want our little ones safe." Walking slower than she needed to, Lena wondered through the small yard, pausing at each play station to explain the function.

Stef didn't even seem to notice, engrossed in both Lena and the school. Lena was managing to decrease her anxiety with her easy confident manner. Brandon would do great here and it filled her with relief. At least this part of his life would go smoothly.

"This way are our classrooms. I have arranged with Mrs. Elcot so that we can visit her classroom. It's her break and you can ask her questions and then we can stay and see a bit of the lesson." Lena led Stef towards the classroom, she found it very hard not to touch Ms. Foster while guiding her. That white crispy shirt called her eyes as well as that spot right on the small of her back where her hand might have naturally fallen. Lena introduced Stef to Mrs Elcot. She listened to the women talk and wondered why she was having such a hard time with this particular woman. How long had it been since she'd been involved? Nothing seemed to last beyond a few dates anymore. Maybe she'd let her friends set her up again, they'd been so determined recently.

"This sounds like a lovely environment, thank you for letting me come in," Stef ended the conversation as tiny little creatures invaded the classroom and gathered around the rug for their after lunch activity. Lena and Stef sat in tiny chairs around the rug. Stef watched the kids and the teacher, but she couldn't help but also sneak looks at Ms. Adams. She seemed genuinely amused by the kids. Her eyes shined brightly and her smile glowed. Her whole face changed and Stef felt grateful to see it. Then it was as if her thoughts had called the woman to her, she turned towards Stef, with that same gentle smile, and held her gaze. Stef couldn't help but respond in kind. The moment stretched on grasping both of them tenderly until a child blurted out an answer loudly.

Lena had felt that moment down to her very soul. In that one moment she felt understood and appreciated. She shook her head and motioned Stef to follow her.

Stef rose from the chair and followed the taller woman out, feeling in that instant that she could have followed her anywhere. Lena's warm look at soothed her, she could not have felt more at ease.

Once outside, Lena regarded Stef, professionalism once again returning to her demeanor, "That's the quick tour of our kindergarten. I can give you the tour of rest of the school if you want…" for reasons unknown, Lena decided to press the issue, "give you an idea about what to expect later, make sure this will be the right environment for Brandon as he grows up."

Stef was sure she'd love the school, but she didn't really want to tour to end. "Sure," she blurted out before she thought too much about it.

They walked side by side, feeling their steps matching, their natural rhythms in tune. "We keep the middle school kids near the high school kids. But grades one through five share a yard. They don't get a chance to interact with the older kids."

"We wouldn't want them slipping drugs to the kids," Stef joked.

Lena seemed startled by the comment but then giggled. This woman sure was something, she thought. She decided to play along, "No, we sure wouldn't."

Stef suddenly felt panic at possibly having insulted this regal woman. Reaching out to touch her arm, she responded softly "I am sorry, that was a joke. A bad joke, but still a joke."

Lena put her hand briefly on Stef's and reassured her, "I know. I am just not used to it, but I knew, it's fine." They continued walking, the tour now on autopilot, Stef and Lena soon found themselves back in the front office.

"So… what do you think? Do you like…" Lena hesitated, wanting to ask more than she was supposed to, "Do you like the school, is little Brandon going to become the newest Anchor Beach Enrollee?"

Stef smiled again for what seemed like hundredth time that day, "absolutely. Nothing would make me happier."

"Ok… then, I'll leave you in the capable hands of our secretaries. They'll take care of you and help you fill out all the paperwork." Lena noticed Stef's disappointment and quickly added, "I am afraid I don't know anything about this side of the school. This is their domain, they know where all the forms are. I am happy you are joining us…" Lena quickly corrected herself, "that Brandon is joining us. I look forward to seeing him and you in the fall." Lena shook Stef's hand and excused herself. She kept the handshake brief, feeling as if she'd already crossed too many boundaries today.

Stef felt the loss and didn't understand why this meeting had meant so much to her. Maybe she needed friends. She'd have to join that book club her mom kept pestering her about.

An hour later, Lena sat in her office. She was looking at the forms Stef had filled out. She knew right from wrong, but sometimes alone, Lena found herself bending the rules just a little. 'A married woman, hmm…' Lena pondered that as she perused the enrollment forms. Emergency card, that's what she was looking for. "Bingo," she blurted out, happy to find her door still closed.

Mother: Stefanie Marie Foster

'So much more formal than she had introduced herself,' Lena considered the sweet sounding name before moving on to the emergency contacts. It gave a home address and a telephone, a work place and work number. LAPD. _A cop_, Lena thought sadly. _Huh, maybe she was just a secretary there, yeah_, the stray thought gave her comfort. Next up, Father: Mike Foster. She hated reading the name. But there written in Stef's very formal printing was a different address listed for father. Before Lena got even more involved in this story, she closed the file and decided to put the woman out of her head.

Meantime, Stef was finally arriving back at home. Sharon quickly questioned her wondering how things had gone. Hoping against hope that Stef had listened to her and enrolled Brandon.

Stef walked in a different woman than she had been earlier that morning. A smile decorated her face, "It went great, he's enrolled. I loved the school. You were right mom." Sharon was shocked as Stef never agreed with her. She was about to question it all but decided against it. Maybe Stef was finally coming out of her depression. And just in time, this home needed some joy.

To Sharon's surprise, Stef kept talking about her day, "Ms. Adams was amazing. She showed me the school. I am sure Brandon's going to love it."

At that moment, a tiny boy came running to greet his mom. "Mommy!"

They had both avoided saying anything to Brandon but Stef decided now was the right time. "Brandon, we found you a school. You're going to be my big boy soon and learn all you need because you are so smart."

Brandon smiled and hugged his mommy. Sharon smiled and for the first time in a long time, she felt as if this little family could get back on its feet.


	3. After the Summer

Lena spent the summer traveling and avoiding. Work had pretty much taken over her life. There was nothing left for her personal life. She hadn't given up her dream of a family but her last long-term relationship had soured her on the prospects. She'd been out with women since then, but it never moved beyond a few dates. She was much too wary and suspicious. No one quite measured up. She was not going to be cheated on and used again. Gretchen, her ex, had shown her exactly what not to expect in a girlfriend.

If she was going to put her hopes and dreams of a family at some woman's feet again, it would be because she was worthy of it. The problem was, she was starting to fear no one could quite fit the bill. She needed to find a loving woman who loved children. Someone who was honest and had integrity. Her dream woman would understand the meaning of commitment and would not be afraid of the hard work it would take. And their love would be true, it would be real and undying. Lena was not afraid of speaking her mind, her partner would know that trust began with communication. Lena sighed, she should not be thinking about this, it would only lead to heartbreak.

Recently, she'd not only forsaken love, but her friends as well. She hated to admit that she'd been traveling for a month in part to avoid her friends, Jenna and Kelly. They were the perpetually happy couple. They'd been together forever and were well on their way to having a family with a little boy of their own. It was too much for Lena, so much of what she wanted and seemingly so out of reach. Seeing them was a reminder of how she was missing.

School was starting again and it would be time to get back in touch with her friends. She couldn't avoid them forever. Their voices were becoming more insistent, emails and missed phone calls. She'd known Jenna since college and their friendship went back all the way to their coming out days. Back then, Jenna and Kelly were already a couple. High school sweethearts who were trying to forge a long distance relationship. Lena was the friend who kept Jenna honest and true while still enjoying the exciting gay life that college offered.

Jenna would cry on her shoulder over missing Kelly, while Lena would cry on Jenna's shoulder over her first rejection. They had confessed many joys and sorrows to each other over the years. Now, married life consumed Jenna, but they still found time to hang out. With the summer coming to an end, Lena could admit to herself that she was feeling lonely. If she couldn't find a woman, a wife, maybe she could find her friends again. She'd call Jenna and she'd pretend she had been too busy on the road.

With a decision made, Lena headed to her bedroom. She was more than prepared for the first day of school. She'd done this before and unlike other educators, she actually found this day to be very exciting. She was good at her job and the tensions of new beginnings did not get to her. Her biggest task for the evening was picking out her outfit. She looked through her closet and felt a tug in the pit of her stomach. Nothing looked right, and this was a new feeling for Lena. She looked at her standbys and pushed each one down to the far side of the closet. Tomorrow, she'd be standing in front of all the Kindergarten parents. She needed to look right. She finally decided on something, but she felt the anxiety growing.

Stef had spent the summer trying to put the pieces of her life together. Mike had called so many times. He didn't seem to understand the meaning of separation. She'd finally convinced him that she needed time to sort things out and that meant that he needed to be there for their son, not for her.

Stef craved time to herself and that's part of what had led her to finally accept her mother's offer to attend the book club. Sharon had jumped for joy. Stef's initial apprehension soon gave way to anticipation. She had arranged for her mom to watch Brandon on Sunday afternoons while she went to her book club. She had told her mom very specifically that she did not want to hang out with a bunch of bored housewives. She wasn't looking to drown her sorrows with other divorced women. Sharon had reassured her that it would be a diverse group of women. Stef was well aware that her mom had a wide range of friends. Sharon was a quirky character who came across all kinds of people. This book club was organized by one of her friend's daughters and the flyer did seem to guarantee a variety of interests.

Stef hadn't been one for school. Her only interest back in high school had been getting out of the house. Joining the police force had given her the means to pay for her own apartment, away from her dad. It did leave her with an educational and she longed to read great books and discuss them with likeminded people. She was more than ready to discuss the first book.

"You'll enjoy it Stef," Sharon really wanted her daughter to get out of the house. She needed something besides her job and Brandon. Even sitting here now, the older woman could feel the stifling nature of this house.

"It's a good thing I can't really think about it, tomorrow is Brandon's first day," Stef actually trembled a little at that thought. She couldn't help feeling nervous about leaving Brandon alone at school for the first time. Although, something else was also bothering her, chasing the edges of her consciousness.

Sharon approached her daughter and sat near her, knowing Stef wasn't one for comfort, "he'll be fine. All kids are. I remember when you went to Kinder, your dad nearly had a heart..." Sharon realized a little too late that bringing up fathers was not the best idea.

Stef immediately picked up on the abrupt end to the sentence. She had become accustomed to the idea that Mike was no longer the doting dad. He had wished Brandon luck on the phone but didn't offer to come with him to school. It pained her, for Brandon's sake, but she realized that she wasn't personally disappointed. In truth, life without Mike was turning out better than she would have thought. "Well, I remember Kinder as well." She had to admit that she had been reluctant to leave daddy's arms that day. He had given her a big teddy bear hug that would have to last her the whole day. Dismissively, she said, "I know he'll be fine. It's a great school." Stef stood up, uncomfortable with the whole subject.

Sharon didn't follow, she knew her daughter well. It was hard to imagine now, but Stef had once been a daddy's girl. She'd follow him everywhere and he would show her all he knew. Things were different now and there was no talking to Stef about Frank now. Sharon sighed grateful that after tomorrow, her days as babysitter were mostly over. School would become his primary caretaker.

Monday morning came quicker than anyone at the Foster household had imagined. Brandon was wearing his crisp new clothes, a blue polo shirt and black dress pants. He had insisted on that outfit, even though the school did not require uniforms. Stef had asked for special permission from work to drop Brandon off that day. She didn't want to miss a minute of this. She watched Brandon eat a full breakfast. She didn't want him to go hungry. She had gotten up extra early to cook some eggs and sausage.

"Are you ready B?" Stef leaned over and reached to grab the empty plate. Brandon looked up, bright eyes and brave smile, nodding. No one had told her how painful growing up could be, for a mom. "Good boy, you're going to do great. You'll be the smartest boy there." She finished the preparations, feelings as if everything was changing. She wasn't ready for this. She'd never planned on doing this on her own.

Parents were packed into the auditorium of the school. It was the first day of Kindergarten and the crowd was oozing stress. Lena always welcomed the challenge of calming down anxious parents, excited children and frightened souls. She was looking forward to the ritual of introducing the teachers, assigning their students and watching parents wave goodbye. As Lena scanned the audience, the crowd seemed typical. That was until her eyes fell on the one person she'd done her best not to think about, blonde, straight cop, Stef Foster. The very same Stef Foster that had charmed her in a short time during the school tour.

The anxiety she'd been feeling suddenly went away. She studied the other woman carefully, she looked as uncomfortable as the rest of the parents. She also looked more beautiful than anyone in the audience. Her mere presence brought an unexplainable calm and Lena found the strength to begin her speech.

Stef had found a seat and was holding Brandon's hand when she spotted the vice principal dressed in simple slacks and a beautiful silky shirt. She epitomized style. Stef felt underdressed in her jeans and sweater. Odd again that she'd think of her clothes around this woman. She listened to the presentation but found it hard to concentrate on the words. Still, the soft confident tone eased her distress about Brandon and eventually put a smile on her face. This woman was eloquent, but practical. It wasn't empty words intended to soothe, her speech genuinely reflected what Ms. Adams thought of the school and the kind of experiences the kids would have there.

"I will now introduce you to the teachers and announce the names of the students. The children are asked to line up behind their new teachers. Parents please stay seated until everyone has been called." Lena spoke the words that would conclude this part of the day. One by one, children were called and separated from their nervous moms and dads. The stream of student names finally reached the Fs. "Brandon Foster," Lena announced as she tried and failed to avoid meeting Stef's eyes. But meet them she did, the hazel gaze fell on her as soon as her own stare landed on the woman. Of course Stef was looking at her, everyone in the auditorium was. There was nothing special in the warm caress of her eyes. She shook her head quickly and continued with the names.

Parents streamed out of the auditorium, following the classes to make sure their kids made it in alright and to help get them settled. As if by an unseen force, the throngs of people pushed Lena and Stef together as they exited the auditorium. After having tried to avoid Stef, Lena felt her before she saw her. Their shoulders touched briefly, bringing an awareness of one another. They smiled awkwardly at each other.

Stef reached out to shake the Vice Principal's hand, "Hi… um…" Stef felt the soft hand hold hers a bit longer than necessary. "Again." The nervous mom smiled awkwardly but sincerely.

"Hi. First day is here, I am glad you are here, I mean Brandon is here." So much for avoiding all thoughts of this woman, Lena was having the exact same reaction to this woman as she had months before.

"Um… thanks," Stef flashed Lena her biggest smile. Lena returned it with one of her own. "I admit, I am a little nervous about this."

Lena couldn't help the need to reassure, "I'll make sure Brandon is ok."

"He might be, but I am not sure I'll be ok." Stef tried to make light of the situation.

Lena fought the urge to blurt out more comfort but her traitorous hand reached out to do so anyway. Her fingers gently rested on a slim shoulder. They stood there smiling at each other before another parent tried to get Lena's attention.

"I am sorry, Ms. Foster. I need to talk to her. I promise Brandon's first day will be amazing."

"Brandon… yes," Stef wondered what about this woman made her forget the most basic things. 'Thanks again." She watched her walk away and wondered how one woman could be so beautiful. She didn't have time to dwell on her thoughts as she walked to Brandon's room for some final goodbyes.


	4. A Woman in Uniform

"I am telling you Jenna, I can't get this woman out of my head and it's just wrong. I've talked to her exactly two times." Lena was sitting on Jenna and Kelly's couch. Her posture screamed frustration.

"Who is she?" Jenna couldn't help her enthusiasm. She hadn't seen her friend enthused over a woman since Gretchen.

Lena's smile turned downward and her eyebrow shot up, "a parent..." Lena paused for effect, "uh, a married parent."

Jenna was unable to hide her dismay, "oh Lena!" Of course she would have to be someone unavailable. Lena did seem to find the unattainable very attractive.

"I know, I know," Lena shook her head and stood up. "You don't need to tell me. There's just something about her." Lena sat back down again, trying to control her emotions. "I am now actively avoiding her. I usually try to supervise the kinders during the first week of school. I have managed to avoid that duty by assigning a TA to do it instead. I just can't see her. I turn into a complete idiot around her."

Jenna smiled gently in sympathy, "That's probably the best thing to do for now. Look, it's a good sign, your heart is waking up. Maybe she's not the one but she's paving the way for your heart to open up again. It's good to feel, something, anything. And trust yourself, no matter what, you won't cross a line. You're super professional." Jenna reached out to hold her friend's hand. "Maybe you should just enjoy your crush. Nothing is going to happen."

Lena thought about this for a while. As long as she understood that it was something she could never act on, maybe she could just enjoy what it felt like to be a woman attracted to another woman. It had been so long and just a smile from Stef could make any day better. "I won't be approaching her for conversation but maybe it's just as stupid to avoid doing my job just so that I won't have an encounter with her."

Jenna trusted her friend wouldn't risk her job in any way, she was concerned about how quickly Lena seemed to respond to this woman. This was unusual for Lena, who was typically cautious. "You've talked to her twice, really Lena? That's all it takes?" Jenna teased her old friend.

Lena laughed for the first time that evening, "that easy, right? I must be lonely." Her laugh turned sad, "I don't know Jenna, it was like the earth moved for a second." Lena shook her head, "I am insane and a walking cliché. Anyway, tell me about Garret. How is he doing? He's going to preschool now?"

"Yeah, I wish we lived closer to your job so he could go there next year but eh, no such luck." Kelly would have loved that, but Jenna didn't worry about things like that. "He's with his grandparents today. I swear that kid helped Kelly's parents accept her. It's amazing. Suddenly we're all a big family."

Lena loved Garret and she had missed him recently. 'Being an aunty isn't bad,' Lena thought. "Next time, I hope he's here. I'll even babysit if you need a night off."

Jenna smiled, "I might take you up on that. There's never any time once you have kids." Lena heard her friend's concerns but would have gladly taken on those problems instead of tackling another frozen dinner. Cooking for just one person was no fun.

"Well, I am gonna get going. I am giving your advice some thought and I promise I'll come by soon." Lena was glad to be back in contact with her closest friend.

"I was glad you came by. Don't be a stranger." Jenna said as she escorted her old friend out the door. She hoped Lena was strong enough to handle the latest challenge.

* * *

Stef got in the habit of dropping off her son at school in the mornings. Right before the first bell, Stef would usher Brandon inside and rush back out to get ready for work. She didn't like dropping him off in her uniform so she usually drove back home to get in the outfit. Usually, Sharon would pick him up from school in the afternoons and hang out with him for a couple of hours. She was lucky to be working days. It would be really difficult to work things out if she had to be out in the evening. On most days, she got to spend evenings at home with her son.

And that is what she did every week except on Sundays when she had her book club. It had been a good break. The group made for good conversation. She enjoyed Mary's boisterous humor and Kelly's quiet support. The one thing she noticed right away was how much she enjoyed the company of women. This was something that had always been missing from her life. Ever since high school, she hadn't had close female friends. There were so few women on the force and usually the women avoided each other to not encourage any kind of gossip.

Her job made her think of Mike, who was the only problem in her new life. He wasn't taking the separation well. He'd always had a hard time figuring out when to stop drinking but it seemed to her that he was showing up to work hung over. He didn't look good. She had even refused him Brandon on a couple of occasions because he seemed drunk. Luckily that had not happened too often and she wondered if she'd need the court involved at some point. Mike hadn't seemed too interested in Brandon. He had stopped coming around as much when he realized Stef wasn't budging on the separation. As it stood, she couldn't see going back to him at this point. She had her life back and she wasn't giving it up again. Mike would have to make a lot of changes in order for her to take him back. The problem was she just couldn't imagine her life without a husband, but she had Brandon and that's what mattered. She'd always wanted a family.

Family provided a routine in her life. It was in effect that day as she'd manage to drop Brandon off and make it to the station on time. Everything was moving along normally until they called to her inform her that her presence was required at the school. Brandon was ill. She felt her stomach drop and her hands shook. She needed to get there quickly.

Lena had always had a healthy mistrust of the police. She was a feminist woman of color and knew the problems of blindly following authority. Plus, violence of any kind frightened her. She had really never had anything nice to say about police officers until the day that Stef Foster walked into the main office in her full uniform.

Lena could not stop staring. How could she be hyperventilating and feel as if her breath had stopped? She was never one of those lesbians who might objectify women by their clothes. Nor did she have some kind of uniform fetish, but seeing Stef wearing her crispy navy blue outfit was a revelation. She demanded respect with her demeanor. It was like seeing a different woman. Stef was a woman in charge and Lena couldn't help but react. She'd never admit to anyone but she suddenly had a very pleasant vision of Stef coming in to take her in handcuffs.

Lena coughed and managed to sputter, "Officer, I mean Ms. Foster."

"Where's Brandon? I got a call," Stef was a wreck and it showed.

Lena was still struggling to find her composure, "he's resting in the nurse's office. He has a fever but otherwise you can take him home."

Stef's eyebrows shot up in confusion. She'd never had to take a child home and was deeply concerned that this had happened at school. 'Why didn't I notice he was sick, I should have known,' Stef chastised herself as the earlier confidence gave way to a vulnerability she didn't usually show people.

Lena could see the young woman struggling and had the experience to know what it was about. She turned towards the secretaries who usually handled these affairs and waved them off. She'd take care of this. One of them raised her eyebrows but turned away. If they sensed anything, they'd probably assume Lena was somehow intimidated by the police uniform. "Listen, this happens. Kids get sick suddenly and it's the first time he's been around so many kids. Germs abound," Lena smiled consolingly.

Stef smiled for the first time, unable to respond any other way. This was Ms. Adams, the woman who managed to make everything easier for her.

"I am going to need you to sign him out and then you can take him home." Lena went to get Brandon who was sleeping like a baby. She gently woke him up. She could see so much of his mom in him. He was adorable. "Brandon," she spoke gently. She led a sleepy boy to his mom and presented him as the gift he was.

"I hope he feels better. His teacher already put his homework in his backpack. If he's not feeling well tomorrow, call us to let us know," Lena could see Stef struggling with his backpack and trying to pick up Brandon. "Why don't I help you out?" Stef nodded even though she usually didn't let people help her.

As Stef walked ahead in front of her, it gave Lena an opportunity to admire that uniform from behind. She found it easy to ignore the gun when she was staring at Stef's round derriere. It was a sight for sore eyes, tight blue pants just hugging all the right curves. Lena could feel parts of her, long ago dormant, waking up from a long sleep. She walked Brandon gently and helped him inside Stef's car. Once outside, they shook hands awkwardly.

"Thanks for the help. I know you didn't have to," Stef found it hard to say goodbye, just wanting to feel like she was something special to this woman, needing her approval, her attention.

"I wanted to. It was my pleasure," Lena smiled and was unsure if she was flirting. She doubted the other woman noticed. She watched Stef wave goodbye and finally let out the breath she'd been holding. That was a full swoon she'd just experienced. Stef was trouble. In any other context, Lena might have asked her out by now.

When Stef got home, she found Sharon waiting for her. She had rushed over to help watch Brandon while Stef went back to work. They'd put Brandon in bed and carefully monitored his temperature. They gave him something to ease the fever and hoped it wouldn't rise much higher. He complained of a sore throat so the flu was the most likely culprit.

"Ms. Adams helped me put him in the car. She's super nice," Stef added as she started making some tea for her son. "Real pretty," she added almost absent mindedly.

Sharon raised an eyebrow at that and wondered what had prompted that assessment. Instead of spooking her daughter, she decided to just get details, "is that Brandon's teacher?"

"Oh, no," Stef shook her head. "She's the school's assistant vice principal." Stef liked the full title, it seemed to fit the Lena, who demanded respect with such ease.

"Ah, well, they sure give you special attention at that fancy school," Sharon could not help but notice the slight smile on her daughter's face.

"I don't know…" Stef had no idea how to describe her short encounters with this educated woman. "We seem to have hit it off. She's the one that gave me the tour," Stef's mind wandered dreamily back to that afternoon when life suddenly seemed full of possibility.

"Ah…" Sharon remembered her daughter's demeanor that day. Something had changed. She'd gone from mopey divorcee to a woman on a mission. 'If this woman had anything to do with that, well bless her,' Sharon mused, noticing that Stef's eyes still held that happy faraway look.


	5. An Assistant Principal to the Rescue

Brandon missed a couple of days of school with the flu but it wasn't much of a problem. There were other issues, shortly after the illness, Brandon's teacher approached Lena about behaviors she was seeing with Brandon. He was falling behind. He seemed distracted. The school believed in intervening as soon as they noticed problems. As much as she wanted to avoid close contact with Stef Foster, she'd have to be professional about this. This was her job. She was in charge of coordinating the intervention programs, monitoring progress and managing success. She'd have to have a meeting with Ms. Foster and see what they could do.

She braced herself and made the call. Stef answered almost immediately and Lena was forced into action, "Ms. Foster, this is Lena Adams, the Assistant Vice Principal from Anchor Beach Charter School."

Stef's worry and surprise barely won out over the joy of hearing that soothing voice. "Yes Ms. Adams, something wrong?"

"No, not wrong. Brandon's fine. We just have some concerns about his performances in the recent assessments and I would like to sit down and talk to you about them," Lena hoped she hadn't made that sound too scary. Parents always worried and it was her job to make it all better.

Stef sighed, she had seen Brandon struggle a bit with the homework but she had no experience about what it all meant. "Certainly. Um…"

"Look, try not to worry. We'll figure out how to best help him and get this done." She had no doubt that Stef was a caring mother and that she'd do anything to help Brandon. "I'll make sure of it," she wasn't sure why she added the personal assurance but she knew she had to.

Stef felt relieved by the words. She believed Ms. Adams. "Ok, I can take time off if you just let me know the best time."

"Would Friday be OK, during school or after school?" Lena would move heaven and earth to make this more comfortable for Stef.

"Probably, after school. I will call and let you know if I can't make that."

"Great, I'll see you promptly after school." With that Lena hung up the phone. She looked around nervously, a goofy smile on her face. Brandon's problems were of some concern, but the personal joy of seeing one Stef Foster could not be denied.

Stef on the other hand was stunned into worry. The worst part was that she had one to talk to about it. She really didn't want to call Mike, but she'd have to. He'd probably find a way to blame her for it. Maybe it wasn't all that bad. Either way, she'd find out on Friday.

* * *

Lena was a neat meticulous person and her desk reflected that personality but today, she seemed to be extra concerned with appearances, her own and her office. Stef Foster was coming in for the meeting. She knew she had to focus on Brandon, but she couldn't help herself as she dusted off a corner of the desk with the back of her hand.

Unlike the first time they met, Stef had enough time to dress appropriately. She was relaxed and comfortable but formal enough for meetings with principals. She realized that while she knew the principal's name, it was Ms. Adams that had made her feel at home at Anchor Beach. Perhaps for the first time, Stef felt at ease in front of Ms. Adams when she was finally called in to the office. She stepped in to the office with confidence. Although she was used to this feeling while in her uniform, things weren't as simple when she was out of it.

Lena noticed the difference right away. She looked different. Lena did not think she had seen her look more beautiful. In the presence of one another, smile was all they could do. "Ms. Foster," Lena knew that Stef must be having marital issues because she'd never seen dad, but still, she probably should refer to her as Mrs. However, the feminist in her wouldn't allow her to call any woman Mrs. unless they insisted.

Stef interrupted, "call me Stef." She didn't know why this informality was important to her but it was.

"And you can call me Lena," and this was an informality that the young administrator typically did not allow, but she longed to hear her name come out of those lips. "So … umm… Brandon."

"Yeah, I am really sorry. I think I should fill you in on some things," Stef straightened herself and hoped this wouldn't sound too much like excuses. "My husband and I are separated. Brandon hasn't been handling it too well. His dad has been kind of MIA." Stef was embarrassed to share so much with the Vice Principal. Seeing nothing but concern in Lena's eyes, she continued, "I tried to convince Mike to come to this meeting but he refused."

Lena had heard much worse stories in her office, domestic abuse, death threats. Divorce was really quite common but still so damaging. "Has he talked to anyone about his feelings?"

Stef shook her head, "No, he's so little. I just…"

Lena walked around her desk and sat near Stef, "look, there are counselors that specialize in kids, we have some of our own or your job could help you find one as well. I think it would help Brandon." Lena wanted desperately to reach for the blonde woman's hand but the mere force of her desire kept her from doing so.

Stef looked up and leaned in towards the other woman, grateful for the support, comfort and warmth emanating from brown eyes. Lena made her feel like she was taken care of. "Thank you, I think I'd like it if it was kept at school." She didn't add that work was not a safe place right now because Mike was also on the force.

"I'll arrange that and our counselor will be in touch with you as after that. Now, we have to move on to the next part, academics," Lena pulled away, she'd gotten too close, close enough to smell her scent and see the different colors in her eyes. "What does Brandon do well? We have to start with his strengths, anything at home you can think of. I have notes from his teachers about all these things too

Stef smiled thinking about her boy, "B's a sweet boy. He's organized, committed. He's responsible and well behaved."

Lena had seen the boy too and agreed with that assessment, "those are great skills to have. They will pay off in school. And his teacher agrees with you. She also says that he really enjoys the songs they sing."

Stef opened up to the biggest smile Lena had yet seen, "he loves music. He is always banging on his little toy instruments and he loves to dance around the house with me."

Lena could picture the scene and was surprised at how affected she was by the vision. Finding herself leaning towards Stef again, Lena once again pulled back, "we can use that. We can suggest that the teacher provide as many musical opportunities to learn. We have videos that incorporate music and learning that might help him as well. Um, I know money can be an issue but Brandon needs to experience success at this point and I often suggest extracurricular activities that suit the situation. Maybe he could take some classes somewhere?"

"Like piano or violin or something?" Stef was excited.

"Exactly like that," Lena encouraged.

They smiled at each other, feeling as if together they could solve any issue. "I think we could afford that, but I have to check."

"Great, we can also offer some after school tutoring to catch up. You and I will have to meet regularly…" Lena stopped abruptly, correcting herself, "or your husband could meet with me."

Stef interrupted, "no, I think I will probably the one meeting with you."

"Ok, then, here comes the unpleasant part," Lena became serious suddenly, "our school is highly sought after and if Brandon isn't performing at the end of first grade, we would have to reconsider his placement in this school." Before Stef could become upset, Lena rushed to reassure her, this time actually letting her hand rest gently on Stef's, "but that's not going to happen. We won't let it. Brandon is a smart boy, going through a hard time. We'll work with him and encourage him and he will turn it around. We have almost two years to do it and we will do it."

Stef had never felt this level of commitment from anyone. Lena made promises that Stef believed in. She had no reason to but her heart knew the truth and honesty in Lena's voice. "You can count on my support."

"I know I can Ms. Foster…"

"Stef," Stef was going to have to insist.

Lena hesitated, realizing her hand was still on the blonde's. She withdrew her hand but held her gaze, "Stef it is."


	6. The Book Club

Over the next few weeks Stef and Lena met on a weekly basis, discussing all things Brandon. Slowly, they began building a friendship, one based on their mutual concern for a little boy. Stef could not volunteer for many school events so that's all she saw of the charming Assistant VP.

Lena was very aware of her feelings and continued to fight their intensity. She craved Stef's company but did not encourage it outside of the professional boundaries. "I am about to bust. Jenna, I just can't take it." Lena found herself sitting on Jenna's couch once again, "why can't I find a nice gay woman?"

"You need a distraction," Jenna joined her friend on her couch, a glass of wine in each hand.

Lena took a sip from her glass, "yeah, you have one?"

"The book club," Jenna took a chance again.

"No, not that book club again. I've told you no…"

Jenna shook her head. She would not take no for an answer, "I know, but you need something other than work. You don't like bars and you don't like 'gay' places."

"That's because I am more than a lesbian," Lena countered. "Besides, I am looking to get away from that crowd. You know what happened last time I hung out with a bunch of lesbians, my girlfriend slept with one of my best friends."

"Ok, so the book club is perfect. You may not meet a woman but you'll have a distraction. Come on, just one night," Jenna would beg if necessary.

"One night? I don't know…" Lena did not need that commitment. She feared boring conversation and reading books she'd already read.

"It's at my house this week and I promise you it's an interesting book. Kelly is all excited about hosting it. You know I don't attend, it's more Kelly's thing but she'd love to have you. She needs another lesbian in the group," Jenna would use any excuse to get Lena to come. She'd promised Kelly.

"Here?" Lena inquired and Jenna nodded. "It's not Stephen King is it?

Jenna laughed, "no, I promise." Lena raised her eyebrow but nodded her consent.

A week later, Lena was once again arriving at her friend's house. This time she had brought appetizers for the evening. At the very least, this book club would give her an excuse to cook for a lot of people. Jenna led Lena straight into the kitchen. Lena's reluctance to join the group showed as she carefully set out the food in trays. They could hear voices coming from the living room. Lena feared encounters with strangers, she kept reminding herself that Kelly would be there.

"I am glad you came, I was afraid you wouldn't show," Jenna said as she took a delicacy in her mouth. "Lena this is delicious."

Lena tried not to look annoyed, "I said I would. Now, try not to eat all the food."

"I can't help it," Jenna spoke between bites, "it's so good."

"Ok, but share, come on." Lena decided to get it over with. She took small steps towards the noise and fixated her gaze on Kelly as soon as she spotted her.

Kelly rushed to introduce Lena as she stepped into the small group, "ok club, this is my old friend Lena, she's a vice principal at one of our local schools."

"Hi, thanks for inviting me…" Lena's next words died in her mouth when she noticed that sitting amongst the women was Stef Foster, the woman that haunted her dreams. She raised her eyebrows and sighed.

Stef on the other hand could feel nothing but joy at seeing Lena join their group. She didn't know why or what it meant, but Lena's proximity was assuaging something inside her, "Lena…"

"Stef," in spite of herself, Lena felt herself smile.

Kelly noticed the obvious, "looks like you know each other."

Lena chose to not give any details, "from school."

Stef scooted over and provided a clear space for Lena to sit. Given no choice, Lena sat as far away from Stef as she could considering the size of that couch.

Lena could not think of a single thing anyone said, all she could do was sit there and wonder if her sense of smell was somehow heightened because she swore she could smell Stef's shampoo, her perfume, her soap. Fortunately, this was just social time and she managed to reply when appropriate.

Stef was thrilled, she could form a friendship with Lena, here was the perfect excuse. She just had to convince her to come back again. It sounded like this could be a one off. Lena said as much when the discussion started. Lena was smart and witty, she brought a new energy to the group. More than that, she made Stef happy. She was so much more interesting than what she had shown as VP. And when Lena's smile and wit fell on her, Stef felt the world spin on its axis.

Stef and Lena lingered as people left, they helped clean the dishes, laughing over who could get them the cleanest. They found out quickly that they had cleanliness in common.

"How long have you known Kelly?" Stef passed Lena a plate for drying.

"I've known Kelly and Jenna since college," Lena replied quickly, taking the plate from Stef. She wondered how much Stef knew about her friends, "they were a couple when I met them, it was long distance back then."

Stef had known they were a couple. Kelly had not made her relationship secret, but Stef hadn't thought too much about it. She didn't like to dwell on the thought. Stef couldn't help but think about it now, 'Lena was good friends with a… a… couple, a gay couple. Did it? Could it? She realized how little she knew about Lena. 'Was she married?' Aloud, she tried to keep it casual, "that's a long time. I guess…" She also realized she didn't know how old Lena was.

Lena seemed to sense the unspoken question, "it's been almost 9 years."

"So you're like 27…" Stef added.

"On the nose! Hmm… ok let's start over." Suddenly making a decision, Lena stretched out her hand, "My name is Lena Elizabeth Adams, I am 27 years old."

Stef smiled realizing instantly what Lena was doing, "I am Stefanie Marie Foster and I am 26 years old." She shook Lena's hand much like the first time they'd met, "you are a young vice principal."

"Yeah, I guess I am. I taught for a very short time. It's really all I've wanted to do. I want to be a principal someday but for now this will do." Lena smiled.

"Obviously, I think you'd do a great job." Stef was confused by the sudden frown on Lena's beautiful complexion.

"I…" Lena hesitated, 'should she really pursue a friendship?' It seemed as if the world was conspiring against her. "I would prefer it if we left work at work."

Stef suddenly stopped washing the plate, "I am sorry."

Lena gently touched Stef's arm, "nothing for you to be sorry about, it's just a conflict of interest and all." How could Lena explain her conflict? "I just want to keep it all separate."

Now it was Stef's expression that changed. She finished washing the plate, silently gave it back to Lena and watched her dry it. She worried, was Lena saying they couldn't be friends? Why was it suddenly so important to Stef?

Before she could finish her thoughts, Kelly came in after ushering the last guest out. She was oblivious to the tension in the room "So Lena, did you have fun? Could you see yourself coming back?"

And there it was. Leave it to Kelly to bring things to a head. "I don't know…" Lena knew she should avoid Stef. It could only spell heartbreak.

"Lena," Stef opened her mouth before she realized what she was saying, "please?"

Lena felt trapped by the soft pleading in Stef's voice. 'How can I deny her anything,' Lena thought, 'I can be responsible and professional about this.' Her voice sounded more confident than she felt, "sure. I had fun." And she had. Stef was funny and irreverent, carefree in ways that inspired her.

Kelly saw her opportunity, "will you take the next available turn and host us at your place?"

Lena chuckled at Kelly's nerve, "you're going for broke aren't you?" She hesitated but the part of her that needed to see Stef won out in the end, "Ok, ok. It will give me an excuse to clean."

"Well on that note," Stef cleared her throat, "it's my time to leave. My mother must be tired of my boy by now." Stef gave Kelly a quick hug and impulsively reached for Lena as well. The taller woman was reluctant to respond at first but she soon found herself melting into the embrace. Both women were unaccustomed to the feelings cursing through their bodies. Kelly couldn't help but notice the slightly longer hug the other women shared.

Stef was always very affectionate. She relied on her sense of touch to provide comfort and joy. She was grateful for her new friend and she needed to show that. She was unprepared for the confusing sensations that this hug had brought. It seemed to reignite feelings in her, things she hadn't considered in a long time. She excused herself leaving behind a sense confusion and excitement in the air.

Kelly wasn't sure what she had seen, it was all a little too intimate for acquaintances but too awkward for anything else. She accompanied Stef out the door and went right back into the kitchen where she found Lena resting back on the kitchen sink, looking out of sorts. "Um… I am not sure…"

Jenna walked in at the moment and while she had hosted the event, she did not take part in the book club. "So you knew someone from school?"

Lena looked a little green, "it was her."

Jenna looked confused for a second, before realization hit her, "oh her…"

"Wait, who's her," Kelly inquired, feeling left out.

Unable to stand any longer, Lena reached for the nearest chair. "A parent at school. A married parent."

Kelly could always find the positive. "Really, I had wondered about her. I mean, she's a cop..." Kelly paused meaningfully, then shook her head, "I know, I know, stereotypes, but she pings. She just does, but she said she's married and had a kid so I dropped the thought." Lena looked defeated. "I don't know though, I saw something in that hug."

Jenna chuckled, "don't encourage her, she's encouraged enough as it is." She took Lena's hand, "what a coincidence."

"I know, she's literally the last person I expected here. But that hug, ugh," Lena sighed. "It's just like that each time I see her. The first time we met. Time stopped. That's clichéd and all but that's what happened. I can't help but feel like whatever she brings to my life, I have to kind of live it. You know?"

"I am not sure I do," Jenna was worried her friend was jumping in head first into heartache.

"She might bring heartache, she might bring friendship but whatever it is, I have to go through it." More sighs. "I am probably just crazy. This is a bad idea."

Jenna and Kelly looked at each other not really knowing how they could help their friend.

Stef arrived at home in a swirl of elation. Sharon couldn't help but notice. "Well," she boasted, "I see my book club idea is really beginning to take off."

"Huh…" Stef's mind was still buzzing.

"You seem happy," Sharon pointed out as they sat near each other on the couch.

"I am, I met um…" Stef still couldn't believe it, "Lena there."

Sharon couldn't recall the name. "Who is Lena?"

"You remember, Lena Adams, the Assistant VP at the school."

Sharon remembered and wondered who this woman was, the one that kept putting a smile on her daughter's face. "You invited her to the book club?"

"What?" Stef couldn't ever imagine doing that. "No… she knew Kelly from the club. What a coincidence? Right?"

"Kelly, the lesbian?" Sharon knew everyone from the club thanks to her friend's gossip.

"Mom…" Stef hated it when her mother was judgmental. "She happens to be gay yes, and Lena has known Kelly and her partner Jenna for a long time." Stef prided herself on being open minded but this subject always set her on edge.

"Is Lena gay?" Sharon was leading somewhere. She often wondered if Stef ever thought about what happened in high school. In the back of her mind, the older woman always feared that this issue would raise its head again. She hoped she could handle it better this time.

"What?" Stef spoke in a near shout. "Why would you say that…?" Her mom had spoken the thought that had been tugging at her all night. The one she just couldn't ask.

"Well, I mean, is she married? I don't care, I am just curious." Sharon did mean that, she was happy her daughter had a friend, no matter what. 'No matter what,' Sharon had to repeat it like a mantra.

Stef thought for a minute, just as interested in the answer herself. "I… I don't know."

"Hmm… well. I am glad you have a friend." Sharon patted Stef's knee.

"I don't know what we are. But she's hosting the book club next time. Then, it's going to be my turn." Stef shook off her mother's condescension.

"Goody, I can help!" Sharon cared more about meeting her daughter's friend than helping, but she wasn't going to say that.

"Oh no mom, no. I can handle it." Stef couldn't think of a worse scenario.

"Oh Stef, come on."

"No…" Stef didn't know why it was important, but she didn't want her mom around Lena or the group.


	7. Coming Out

Before Lena and Stef could meet again for book club, they had a meeting about Brandon. Lena found herself fidgeting with her desk, wiping unseen crumbs off her chair. The book club had changed everything. When Stef walked in to her office, she was once again overwhelmed with joy that threatened to expose her lack of professionalism. Lena thought that she'd get used to that by now but each time the feelings blew her away.

Stef didn't know how to talk to the Assistant Vice Principal anymore. After you beg someone to do something as she had done about staying in the group, it kind of changed the way you saw them. And the way they saw you. She didn't wait to be asked to sit. She knew the routine. She sat in front of Lena, the door safely closed behind her. "Hi Lena." She brazenly decided to just be bold.

Lena smiled at Stef's attitude. "Hi Stef, how are you doing?" If she was going to play it casual, so could she.

"I am actually a little anxious about the meeting, but otherwise excited to be here." Stef was starting to feel a little reckless. 'Live a little she told herself.'

Lena scrunched up her nose at that, 'what could she say to that.' "You have nothing to worry about the meeting. You know the routine. We review Brandon's goals and set up the next steps." She decided to ignore the personal.

Stef didn't fail to notice that and it just made her more intrigued. Lena was a tough nut to crack. All she wanted was to get close and crack it. She wanted to get inside and see what made Lena burn. "I can give you the home update. Brandon is loving his classes and his teacher is incredibly enthused. She thinks he has real raw talent. He is so excited to go to his piano classes. I have never seen him so dedicated. I wish I could give him that experience at home."

Lena could hear the unsaid, money. Pianos were not cheap. "We have pianos available for the students. They're usually available for the older students but we might be able to set up something for our younger group. I am sure we have other talented musicians. When he is in third grade he can join our elementary orchestra. I am sure he'd enjoy that.

Stef smiled, "somehow I think you're assuming he'll still be here in third grade."

Lena held her smile and winked, "Brandon will be here then, if I have to tutor him myself." As if realizing her inappropriate offer, Lena changed the subject. "At some point, you might be able to swing a keyboard of some sort, he can practice on that and that isn't nearly as expensive."

"The real question is whether my ears are going to be able to take it." Stef covered her ears and feigned pain.

Lena chuckled, "We… I mean… you can get him headphones." She had to keep a straight face and not smack herself in the head. Lena did not know what it was about this woman that made her say the stupidest things. Maybe that's just the way she was, jumped in head first and then looked around to see if there were sharks.

Stef had not been part of a "we" for a while now. Strange for Lena to say that because since meeting her, Stef couldn't get enough of her, wanting her in her life. Maybe this thing that was happening to her was also happening to Lena. "Yeah, I guess…" What was this thing they shared? "I could."

"His latest assessment shows improvements. I think the tutoring is helping." Lena changed the subject quickly.

"I have seen the same kind of progress at home." Stef sighed. "I spoke to the counselor…" Stef hesitated.

"You don't have to share that with me." Lena did not want to make Stef uncomfortable, ever.

Stef smiled honestly, "I want to." She realized that there wasn't anyone she trusted more with the information. "He misses his dad a lot but he sees that I am happier. I think it's helping him, talking to the counselor."

"I imagine it does. He doesn't really understand it all and won't for a while. All he can do is express himself."

"So, you're really hosting next week?" Stef changed the subject, needing to meaningfully connect with the charming VP.

"I guess I am. I love to cook, that's actually something I am looking forward to. It's been a while since I've hosted anything." Lena realized a bit too late that she had shared more than she wanted to.

Stef wondered how that came to be, Lena had to have tons of people around her, wanting to hang out. "Really? I find that hard to believe."

"I've been out of commission. Work's what I've had." 'It's what I have now,' Lena reminded herself. She could not forget that.

"Yeah me too. It's the one thing I miss about being married, more people in the house. I like home."

"Me too…" Lena smiled.

"I could come and help you…" Lena seemed confused at Stef's words, "I mean for the book club. I could come over early and help."

Lena could not think of a worse idea. Out loud, her traitorous mouth spoke, "sure."

"Great, here, let me give you my number" Stef reached over for a piece of paper and scribbled her name on a notepad on the Vice Principal's desk. Lena decided to return the favor by grabbing one of her professional cards and adding her personal number on the back.

After Stef left, Lena questioned her sanity as she brought the piece of paper to her lips.

Stef arrived at Lena with a couple of bottles of wine in hand. She wasn't much of a cook and usually contributed drinks to any of the club meetings. Lena had insisted that it was all she needed and that was after some coaxing.

Stef took in her surroundings, hoping each item here could tell her a secret about Lena. Some were obvious. She looked at the pictures, those were the best clues. She concluded right away that Lena did not have children or a husband. If she did, those pictures were missing. She did see a mom and a dad, she did not fail to notice that her mom was black and her dad was white. She had lovely pictures of herself with them. She also had pictures with various women, including Kelly and Jenna. So Lena had a lot of friends, she tried not to think about what that might mean.

Stef was interrupted from her reverie by Lena herself, "I put away the wine you brought."

"Yeah, I hope it's enough, I thought about bringing a box."

Lena was about to laugh thinking that had to be a joke, but seeing Stef's earnest look, she realized it was not. Stef was serious. "I am sure we'll be ok."

"So, are you going to help or just look at my bookshelves?" Lena teased.

Stef turned red, "Well, I am going to look at your bookshelves, your walls, and your floors before I come over to help you." Stef recovered quickly and went to join Lena in the kitchen.

"I am getting the feeling you don't cook much?" Lena inquired as she checked on the food in her oven.

Stef shrugged, "no, it's not my forte."

"Can you make a salad?" Lena waved a tossing fork Stef's way.

"I think I can manage that. I do ok in the kitchen, I can make food but it's not a meal. You know?" Stef took the fork from Lena's hand.

"Hmm, I guess. It's funny because, I want to cook but all I end up doing is make food for myself."

Stef couldn't hold her curiosity back any longer, "have you been married?"

'So Stef hadn't guessed yet,' Lena thought. Lena was not worried about being outed. Her contract had a non-discrimination clause. She had never hidden her sexuality at work. Still, she liked keeping things separate. On the other hand, it might scare Stef off and that might be better for both of them. "No, I have not. I haven't been lucky enough to find the right…" Lena hesitated, "person."

"I am struggling with marriage now. If this ends, I never want to get married again." Stef could not imagine going through this failure again. Her son was the only good thing to come out of it. The whole thing had been a debacle from the beginning.

Lena frowned. "Well, in truth I can't really consider it. It's not legal." Might as well get this over with. Stef was a straight woman and if this scared her off, the quicker the better.

Stef looked confused. "Legal?"

Lena smiled, of course Stef would make it hard for her, "you know… two women getting married."

Stef looked dejected. Lena's own expression changed in the uncomfortable silence that followed. Stef looked at Lena, 'of course,' she thought. All the signs pointed to that. She had known in the back of her head. It should make a difference, two women getting married. It was wrong. Yet, here looking at Lena, it just made no didn't matter. Lena was still Lena, charming, intelligent, kind and beautiful. "Oh," and Stef felt as stupid as that sounded.

"Is it a problem?" Lena wanted an end to this torture now. If Stef would walk out, it would be better if she did it right now. It would be for the best.

Shifting on her feet, Stef made a decision. "Of course not." And then in a moment of rare honesty, "I think I knew that." Stef could not look at those dark eyes and purposely deceive.

Lena raised her eyebrows in response. 'Seems like Stef can surprise me.' "Jenna and Kelly?"

"That was a big clue." This entire conversation was dislodging old memories, she thought of Tess Brown. She shook the thought away quickly.

"It's really not going to be a problem is it?" Now that it was out there, she needed to know it would be ok.

"No, it's really not." Of this Stef felt certain. Lena's presence was something she was beginning to crave and nothing would get in the way of that. "Is it a problem for you? At work, I mean."

Lena was often asked this question. "No, my boss knows. It's protected by my contract. I feel safe, but I don't broadcast it either."

"I can imagine." And she did, she might have had her own doubts about an educator of that persuasion before.

Lena studied Stef carefully. She wondered what was going on in that pretty head of hers. In spite of all the warning signs, Lena still found Stef extremely attractive. Those hazel eyes, the blonde bangs framing her strong features. She longed to let her fingers get lost in that long blonde hair.

Stef got caught in Lena's stare, she felt her own eyes wonder down to those full lips. Lena had such a great big smile, but at this moment, she wasn't smiling. Her lips were slightly parted, her breathing heavy. As Lena's tongue caressed her bottom lip, Stef snapped out of it and quickly looked down.

"It has its benefits." Lena decided on teasing to break the tension.

Stef was out of sorts again, "what does?"

Lena laughed again, "lesbianism."

This time Stef was really speechless. She didn't have a chance to pick up her jaw off the floor before Lena walked away laughing. Stef stayed in the kitchen, pondering the news. Lena was gay. Lena liked women. Lena had girlfriends. She looked around the kitchen and noticed the pictures again. This time each picture of Lena with a strange woman took on a different meaning. Lena's arm casually resting on a shoulder, suddenly seemed intimate. Had that been a girlfriend? Did Lena have a girlfriend now? No, she didn't think so. Stef had seen no evidence of someone important in Lena's life. Everything suggested that Lena lived alone. Her thoughts were interrupted by a door bell. Soon after, she heard Kelly's voice in the distance.

Kelly had arrived a little early as well. "I was concerned about Lena," she added as she dropped some bags on the kitchen table. "I know I kind of pushed this book club on her." What she didn't say was that she was concerned about Lena in more ways than one. She didn't think Lena should have too much alone time with one Stef Foster.

Lena seemed oblivious as she continued her food preparations. She enjoyed being a hostess and it had been a long time. Her ex, Gretchen, was always socializing but very rarely at home. Restaurants and traveling were more her style. On the contrary, Lena enjoyed her home. She liked coming home to the same house every night. Lena finally acknowledged Kelly's words, "You need not have worried, I could have handled it on my own. But thanks to two lovely ladies, I am now over prepared."

Stef couldn't help the blush that crept up her neck as Lena called her lovely. Kelly didn't miss the dreamy stare Stef was throwing Lena's way. Something had changed. She hoped for Lena's sake that Stef wasn't doing some experimenting.


	8. Opening Up

It had been a tough night for Stef, Lena had seemed to ignore her for most of the time. Each time she tried to catch her eye, Lena would look away. Lena would ask general questions directed at other members, but never Stef. After the evening was over, Lena ushered people out quickly and excused herself with a headache. Later, at home, Stef tried to go to sleep but struggled with thoughts of Lena. 'She's a lesbian,' echoed in her head. At the same time, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had offended Lena somehow. She could not deal with hurting Lena or putting a frown on her face.

After a sleepless night, things weren't any clearer. Lena's phone number was burning a hole in Stef's pocket. Her efforts to spot Lena at school had failed. She had picked up Brandon, hoping for a glimpse of the taller woman. She did not see her even after hanging around long after the last bell. Eventually, she made it home and sat at her kitchen table, phone in hand, wondering if she should call.

"Hello," Lena answered the phone without hesitation.

"Um… hi… it's… um…" Stef steeled herself and sat up straighter. "Stef Foster."

"Stef… hi. How are you?" Lena was surprised to hear from her so soon after the confusing evening. Lena had ridden highs and lows all night long.

"Um…" Stef sighed, once again in a bind. She did not want to tell the truth but could not outright lie to Lena. "That's why I am calling. I can't shake the feeling that I've upset you and well, now I am upset."

If Lena was surprised to hear her bluntness, she didn't show it. "You didn't upset me."

"Are you sure?" Stef needed to be sure.

Now, it was Lena's turn to sigh. "I am sure, but I guess I worried about how you took the news about me."

Stef smiled, "I will admit that I've never really met gay women before but it doesn't mean that I have a problem with your or with Kelly."

"I've lost friendships over this. That's not to say we're friends exactly." Lena didn't know why she kept this conversation going. It was dangerous to continue this relationship, but each time she pulled away, Stef drew her right back in.

"We're not? I can't help but feel like we are, like I've known you," Stef hesitated, "from before." From the second she saw Lena she felt a chord pulling them together, there was something so familiar and yet strange about their connection.

"Yeah, but we hardly know each other." Lena would remain logical.

"That can be remedied. I was born and raised in San Diego."

"A local gal? I was born in the bay area, Berkeley to be specific. I came to UC San Diego and just never left the area. I kind of wanted to get away from my family." Lena found herself admitting something she had not shared with anyone.

Sensing that Lena was opening up, Stef found herself doing the same. "I didn't leave my city but I did the same thing. I think that's why I married Mike, why I joined the force so young."

"You didn't want to go to college?" Lena had sensed Stef's intelligence and could not guess why she had not pursued higher education.

"I wasn't raised that way. My family was," Stef struggled to find the right words, "I just… didn't prepare. When I turned eighteen, I found myself with a desperate need to get away from my dad. The force seemed like a place where I could do some good." Stef didn't add how hard it had been to leave and convince her dad that a woman could handle herself as a police officer. "Maybe… I also wanted to piss off my dad." Stef could not see Lena's wince as she heard the crude word.

"You wanted to make your dad mad?" Lena's educational training took over as she rephrased Stef, hoping for nicer words.

"Yeah, but mostly, I thought I could help people." Stef did not catch the redirection.

"I can relate to that. I don't know many people who think being a teacher is a great thing anymore. I love kids, I really wanted to help them." Lena sighed, her mom had been especially critical of her choices. Teachers did not make enough money, it was a waste of her intelligence... "Maybe… I did it to make my mom mad." Lena echoed Stef's earlier sentiment.

This time, Stef did catch the slight rephrasing. She smiled, "you don't say bad words, do you?"

Lena laughed, "no, I really don't. You do, don't you?"

"Tons." Stef was a police officer after all. The station's environment was probably the complete opposite of a school. "If you would like, I could try to avoid it around you. I am trying with Brandon. It's hard."

Lena loved that Stef was willing to do that for her, "well, if we're going to be friends, I think I would appreciate that."

"I am going to take the 'if' right out of your statement and promise to clean up my language." Stef was filled with warmth at the thought of getting closer to this amazing woman.

Lena absorbed the warmth and responded in kind, "deal. I am not going to question our friendship anymore."

"Excellent. So, friend, how about coming to my house to help me set up for the club? I am not nearly the hostess you are and I will need some help."

"So that's what this is about? Eh?" Lena teased.

"Absolutely, you found me out." Stef paused, feeling relieved. "Well, now I think I can rest peacefully this afternoon, if Brandon lets me."

"I have it on good authority that the kids were on the yard today so you might get lucky and he's real tired." Lena hated to admit that she kept an eye out for Brandon. She did not want to give any kid special treatment but she had promised Stef and she needed to see it through. Brandon would be ok.

"Good. I will let you be. Have a good night."

"You too Stef." Lena hung up first and had to stuff the butterflies down, they were threatening to fly right out of her belly.

They began talking on the phone daily. Neither of them realized but soon they were reaching for the phone to share the happening of their daily lives. Stef quickly learned that Lena could not handle talking about violence. She treaded carefully when talking about her job, generalizing instead of going into the gruesome details.

Lena learned that Stef did not want to talk about Mike or her marriage. The topic seemed to be out of reach. It was frustrating to no end. Lena wanted to know the state of things but it was as if Stef herself didn't know.

Soon it was Sunday again and Stef was not ready to play hostess. Stef tried her best to get Sharon out of the house early. She was taking Brandon to her apartment for the evening, but for some reason, Sharon wasn't budging. She was lingering, making excuses to hang around. She stalled for so long that finally Stef's worst case scenario came true. Lena was knocking at the door. Stef's palms became sweaty, her mom would be meeting Lena.

Stef let Lena in the door and quickly addressed the other woman, "my mother is here."

Those words cut right through Lena, 'Mother!' She looked around and spotted a small redhead rushing towards her, "hi, Mrs. Foster."

"Just Sharon," Sharon rushed over and shook Lena's hand. Her daughter was right, this was a beautiful woman. A beautiful black woman. Frank would be pissed off.

"Nice to meet you Sharon. I am Lena Adams." Lena forwent the official title seeing as she was on a social call.

"Lena, yes, Stef has talked a lot about you." Sharon couldn't help but speak from the heart and Stef looked ready to shoot her for it.

Lena blushed a little and looked away. "Nice things I hope."

Right then Brandon came out of his room and spotted Lena. "Ms. Adams, Ms. Adams." He ran to her and nearly jumped in her arms before he realized where she was. He stopped dead on his tracks. He looked worried.

Lena recognized the fear right away. "I am just visiting your mom. You're not in trouble or anything." Relief quickly flooded the little boy and he ran to hug Lena.

"Well, well, seems like he knows you well." Stef smiled at the obvious affection between the two.

Lena blushed again, embarrassed by the evidence that she'd been paying Brandon more attention than she should have. She checked on him as often as she could. She'd managed to do Kinder yard duty more days than not. "He's easy to get to know."

Stef looked on tenderly and Lena met her gaze and held it. Sharon felt as if she were interrupting and maybe she was. She had accomplished her mission for the night so she decided to give them privacy. "Well, I am off. See you later. Brandon let's go." The boy looked disappointed about missing out time with the other adults but he quickly hugged both women goodbye and left with Sharon.

Stef quickly apologized, "sorry, she was supposed to be gone."

"It's ok, I enjoyed seeing Brandon. He's such a great kid. I can tell you're a great mom."

Now, it was Stef's turn to blush. "Thanks, it's been tough recently, but me and B are getting through it."

"You are and we're going to make sure Brandon continues doing well." Lena reassured Stef with a quick touch of her hand.

Stef felt Lena's support and could say with certainty that she had never felt less alone. Once again, she was struck by Lena's honest offers. "Yes we are."

They settled in the kitchen preparing the food and soon found themselves in a rhythm. They found it easy to occupy the same space and anticipate each other's needs. Lena was not familiar with Stef's apartment but she was actively discovering the nooks and crannies of her kitchen. Lena had always felt that the kitchen was the heart of a home. This was no different. She was enjoying working side by side with Stef until her eyes landed on the fridge. Sweet pictures of Stef and Brandon were displayed but also present were pictures of the little perfect heterosexual family. 'Mike,' yeah that was his name. She'd never seen him. Months into the school year and she still hadn't met him. And yet, Stef was married to this man. She wondered how often he came over to see her. She didn't want to think about it, but Lena quickly wondered if they were still sleeping together. The pictures were evidence that things were more on than off.

After a prolonged silence, Stef followed Lena's line of sight. She was looking at pictures of Mike. For some reason, she did not want to think of these two people at the same time. Lena was beginning to take over a large place in her life, a soft, warm place. Thoughts of Mike only brought regret. "Hey don't forget the bread in the oven," she called out, hoping to pull Lena from her reverie.

"I won't forget," Lena said, but she wasn't referring to the oven. The incident broke the easy comradery and conversation changed to more neutral topics

Soon, the other members of the club arrived. Kelly noticed that throughout the meeting, Stef could not keep her eyes away from Lena. She laughed and nodded at every comment Lena made. Lena on the other hand tried very hard not to look at Stef unless Stef was talking. It was obvious to Kelly that Lena was still trying to avoid the obvious. When the gathering was over, Kelly offered to clean up but Stef refused her help. It was as if Stef wanted time alone with Lena.

When they were done cleaning up, Stef offered Lena some coffee. "Mom won't be back for a bit, maybe you'd like a cup of coffee before heading off?

Lena hesitated but she found it really difficult to say no to one Stef Foster.

"Ok, one cup." She smiled.

Stef face lit up with a smile of her own. They sat on the couch cups in hands.

"I wanted to thank you for all your help." Stef met Lena's gaze, wanting her meaning to sink in.

Lena felt the stare all the way down to her tip toes, "No problem. You practically forced me to."

Stef laughed, "forced? I didn't even get my handcuffs out." Suddenly the thought of cuffs embarrassed them both.

After a long silence, Lena added, "I am glad you didn't! But really, I am happy to help. I enjoyed it." 'I'd help you do anything,' Lena thought, once again getting lost in Stef's eyes.

Stef was overwhelmed with the need to touch Lena. She reached over to cover Lena's hand with her own. She held her hand and marveled at how their hands fit together, how soft Lena's skin was. She loved the contrasts of their skin. Without even realizing it, she began caressing her hand, running her fingers tenderly over Lena's. She hadn't realized how much she needed this till it was happening. Lena's presence brought her such peace and a sense of rightness. From the beginning, Stef had felt a need to have physical contact with Lena. And now, she marveled at the intimate feeling of her touches.

Suddenly, Lena coughed, "So how's Mike?"

Lena's words were like a bucket of cold water. Nothing could have been further from Stef's mind. "Mike. Yeah, he's ok. I guess." They both pulled their hands away.

"You guess? Don't you know?" Lena needed to know something about that relationship.

"I haven't really seen him." The moment was lost and Stef could only focus on how close she'd been to Lena, how empty her hand felt now. A feeling she'd never felt before was suddenly one she could not live without.

Lena sighed and resigned herself. "Ok, I have to get going. Thanks for the coffee." She stood up and felt Stef try to hold on to her but Lena moved quickly towards the kitchen. She needed to escape.

Stef didn't know how it all happened so fast. One minute she was sitting with Lena, touching Lena, next thing she knew, the other woman was gone.


	9. Tess Brown

"Lena, come on, tell me what you're cooking. I am hungry and need some inspiration."

"It's just a salad. Some tomatoes, kale, broccoli."

"That's some salad. If I were there, would you share it with me?"

Sharon's louds footsteps were not enough to disturb her daughter's conversation. Stef was completely engrossed in her chat with Lena. If Sharon didn't know any better, she would definitely say that her daughter was flirting. Perhaps it was time for Sharon to have a conversation with Stef about Tess Brown. Did her daughter remember the incident at all? Sharon could never forget it. She had never told Stef, but the situation had played a large part in her decision to leave her husband. She regretted not fighting for Stef, not standing up to Frank. Stef had been so young and innocent. Sharon hadn't know the real nature of her daughter's relationship with Tess. At the time, Frank hadn't been the only one who had questioned how close those two were.

But Frank had been convinced. He'd railed at Sharon for hours about how he would not allow their daughter to become a heathen. When he sent her away to that priest, Pastor Dan, Sharon had known it was wrong but didn't know how to stop it. Some things couldn't be prayed away.

Now, years later, Stef was getting close to another woman… again. This time, the stakes were higher, Stef was married. Sharon needed more information and perhaps find redemption.

"Ok fine, I have to go too. Mom's here. I'll talk to you soon," Stef laughed, "you're probably right." After a short pause, Stef continued, "Ok. You hang up then." Stef reluctantly put the phone down and looked at her mom.

"You're talking to her a lot." Sharon tried not to sound judgmental.

Stef still felt the sting of it, "What of it?"

"Nothing, just remarking. Did you ever find out?" Sharon treaded lightly.

Stef was on guard, "find out what?"

"Is she married?" 'Get to the point,' Sharon mused.

Stef groaned. She thought about lying, but somehow she felt like she would not honor Lena if she did that. Stef could not do that, ever, not to Lena, not about Lena. "No, she's gay." As soon as the words were out, Stef began to worry. Suddenly, the memories came back. Tess Brown. She breathed heavily in anticipation of what her mother would say.

"Oh." It was as Sharon had feared.

"That's it?" Stef challenged. "Not going to send me away?"

"Stef." Sharon had not expected this reaction. She hoped Stef was prepared for what was to come. Sharon hoped that she herself was equipped to handle all that was to come. She loved her daughter and wanted her to be happy.

"Stef, what? I can't have female friends? I am going to hell. Do you think I forgot that you and dad sent me away after Tess Brown and I got close." Stef had tried not to think of that time in her life. It was so humiliating to be accused of something she had not done. She and Tess Brown had not ever done more than cuddle. There had not been anything gay between them. They were best friends who cared about each other, more than anything. Her father had ruined that, tainted it, made it dirty. She was not about to allow that to happen again.

"No, Stef. That was not my idea. And you'll never know how much I regret allowing your dad to do that to you. You had every right to explore and be who you were." Sharon needed to apologize.

"I wasn't exploring mom. It was friendship." Stef had to make sure that was clear.

Sharon shook her head. "It doesn't matter Stef. You needed to live your life, let it reach its own conclusions. We had no right to interfere. It was wrong."

"Mom, what are you trying to say?" Stef wasn't trying to be dense on purpose.

Sharon swallowed, "I am trying to say that I don't think being gay is a sin. I am trying to say that now, with Lena, you have a chance to figure out if what you had with Tess could have been more."

Stef tried to say something but she was speechless. She opened and closed her mouth several times and no words came out. After several seconds, she finally spoke, "you think…" Stef stopped again, struggling to find the right words, "you think I like women?"

"What I think is not the issue. What matters here is what you think. Look, I am going to go. I think I've said enough." Her intention had been to get Stef thinking, not to argue. Sharon quickly exited, grabbing her purse and not letting Stef have a chance to even think about stopping her. Stef needed to face this. Her future was on the line.

'Why did everyone think that she had something going on with Tess?' They had been friends, best friends. It was true that neither of them had been dating. Stef had been part of the basketball team and Tess had been a forward on the team. As point guard and team captain, Stef had always felt in charge of all her teammates. But Tess had been special, Tess made her laugh, made her feel funny and charming. She laughed at every one of her jokes.

Most of their interactions came at school, but then senior year came. They were both worried about leaving high school. Basketball season was over so they had to find excuses to hang out. She had been afraid, so afraid of losing Tess. Tess was a good enough player to get scholarships at a university. Stef didn't have such prospects. She hadn't thought that far. They would be separated at the end of high school, so they spent as much time together as they could. They would sit on the couch, watching TV, listening to music. Often, they would end up holding hands or simply lying on each other's legs.

One such afternoon, Tess had been sitting on the couch. Stef had lain down across the couch, her head on Tess' lap. Tess had been caressing her hair. Nothing had ever felt so soft, so good. It was relaxing and dreamy. Her dad had walked in right at that moment and practically threw Tess out. He started yelling, calling Tess a dyke. Both girls were horrified at Frank's anger. Then it all turned surreal, as he grabbed Stef's hand and began praying for the salvation of her soul. He had immediately called Pastor Dan Nichols and arranged a short stay for Stef. He didn't leave her alone, no chance to call Tess, to explain.

She never hung out with Tess again, both of them knew that they were to stay away from each other. At the time, Stef didn't know what had been worse, the humiliation of being berated by some priest about being gay or losing Tess. And in that moment, Stef realized that the mourning she was doing for her marriage now was nothing compared to the ache of losing Tess. That had to mean something. And now, Lena was becoming her sunshine, her happiness. Stef knew without a doubt that Lena was something special in her life, her feelings for Lena were intense and confusing.

Pastor Dan Nichols and her dad had made sure that Stef never got to analyze her feelings. They'd separated her from Tess and made sure she'd grimace each time she thought about lesbians. And now her friends were lesbians, why was this topic coming up again?

Stef spent an entire day thinking of all these things and she could only come to one conclusion, she needed to see Lena. Life was confusing, Stef was irritable and only one person could provide comfort. So she did the only thing she could think of, she called Lena over so they could hang out at the park.

"Thanks for coming. Brandon really needed a break." Stef hoped Lena could not sense the desperation she had felt about seeing her.

"It was my pleasure." Lena said meaningfully.

They sat down on the grass, close to the sandbox and watched Brandon run around the small playground. "You don't seem ok," Lena commented. It was unusual for the boisterous cop to be so out of sorts. She was silent and broody. Lena couldn't help but miss Stef's non-stop humor. She seemed younger and vulnerable.

"It's my dad. I am just thinking about him a lot." Lena's generous demeanor made it safe for Stef to open up. Looking in those dark eyes was exactly like falling, knowing there was a net at the bottom of those brown depths.

"The one you ran from as an adult?"

"The very one. He is a very religious man…" Stef stopped herself realizing she didn't know this about Lena. "You're not religious are you?"

Lena raised her eyebrows, "lesbians aren't usually tight with god." Stef laughed knowing all too well the truth in that statement. "Really though," Lena continued more seriously, "I wasn't raised that way, so it's not like I miss church or something. You?"

Stef sighed, she shook her head, "I did grow up like that. Sin this, sin that. I can't seem to get away from it, but I have tried. My father, he uh," Stef didn't want to reveal too much, she just wasn't ready. "He made sure that I turned my back on the church. I haven't looked back. My dad, he is still very much involved and that's part of the wedge between us. I'll just never be good enough."

Lena could certainly relate to that. She placed her hand on Stef's, not out of a sense of intimacy but comfort and understanding. "He's missing out," Lena smiled.

Stef smiled and tried to stifle a yawn, "I just wish I wasn't so tired." She hadn't slept a wink all night.

Lena wondered why Stef hadn't just stayed at home, instead of taking Brandon to a park. "Why don't you lie down?"

Stef looked around and frowned, "doesn't really compare to my couch."

Lena guessed she shouldn't but she couldn't help but offer, "there's my lap…"

Stef didn't have to be told twice. She quickly lay down and placed her head on Lena's soft thigh. She closed her eyes and soon felt soft fingers caressing her hair. She looked up and locked gazes with Lena. Instantly, it all came flooding back. She'd been in that spot before. She'd thought more about that one moment in time in the last day, than she had in her entire life. Tess Brown looking down at her, much like Lena was doing now. No, not quite like Lena. Lena was looking down at Stef with a tenderness that she could never have imagined. Stef closed her eyes and remembered. And she knew without a doubt that both Tess and Lena had looked at her with desire. For the first time, Stef felt ready to admit something she'd never been able to admit to anyone, including herself. She probably had the same look on her face. She had been attracted to Tess and she was attracted to Lena. She leaned in towards Lena's hand and tried to enjoy the feelings, really feel them for the first time. She felt the tender touch of a woman, Lena's delicate slim fingers smoothing her hair. Stef opened her eyes and found Lena's brown eyes burning into her. Now, she could feel as the feminine look caressed her features and touched her very soul. Leaning on Lena's lap, she had never felt as close to another human being as she did in that moment, feeling their connection through the heat of Lena's leg, the silken graze of Lena's long fingers, and the heat of their shared look.

"Mommy," Brandon's shriek pierced through both their consciousness and promptly ended the moment between the two women. Stef looked over and saw Brandon lying down on the sand. She didn't get a chance to even glance at Lena, as her motherly instinct took over and she rushed towards her son. She didn't see the regret on Lena's soft features, right before Lena herself reacted and also went to take care of Brandon.

"Are you ok sweetie?" Stef reached her son in time to see him looking at a scrape on his knee. As soon as he saw it and then looked back at his mom, he began to weep. He cried and cried, nothing Stef could say seemed to console him.

Lena looked at the scene and didn't know if she should interfere. She took out a tissue from her purse and decided that she might as well try. "Brandon," the Vice-Principal's voice carried enough authority to get the boy to stop for a second and look her way. "Look at what I have in my purse." She showed him the tissue, "it's special, from the nurse. It's what she uses to clean up kids when they come into her office." This seemed to get Brandon's attention and Stef watched in wonder as he allowed Lena to wipe the wound clean. The blood was soon gone and the boy had stopped crying.

"Well, look at that. The nurse sure knows what she's doing," Stef commented hoping the incident was over.

"I've been to the nurse before. She's very nice." Brandon brightened at the memory.

"You were very brave," Lena added. This pleased Brandon and his attention was soon focused on the ice cream truck circling the park.

"Could I have some ice cream?" Stef and Lena looked at each other and silently communicated the shared feeling that Brandon was taking advantage of the situation. They smiled at each other and nodded in agreement.

"Sure Brandon, let's go." Stef grabbed Brandon's hand and began to walk him towards the vendor. She couldn't help but smile when Brandon used his other hand to reach for Lena's hand and tug her along as well.

Lena didn't miss that the visual they were making was the living representation of all she'd ever dreamed of. A beautiful woman to raise a family with. Suddenly, she didn't know what she was playing at. She should not have touched Stef or allowed her to lay on her lap. And now she shouldn't be bonding with someone else's family. This couldn't possibly end well.


	10. A Date and a Kiss

"Come on Lena, spill it." Kelly knew something was going on between her book club friends.

"Nothing to spill. I've told you." Lena shook her head in denial.

"I don't believe it. I've seen the way you two look at each other." Kelly was insistent.

Lena sighed. She couldn't deny that she felt something, but Stef was an enigma. "You know how straight women are. They become fascinated with a lesbian but it doesn't mean anything."

"Maybe, but what does she mean to you?"

'Everything,' Lena nearly came out with that word. "I like her. I am not going to deny it, but it's not going to happen. I probably should try to date someone else, get her off my mind."

"You know that Jenna and I have been trying to set you up for a while." Kelly started a conversation she'd had many times with Lena.

With a groan, Lena realized that it was probably a wise thing to do. "I suppose I should try. It can't hurt."

"It really can't." Actually, Kelly thought, it might give Stef an excuse to kick into gear. "I have some women in mind, but please don't blame me if they don't work out."

Lena laughed for the first time that evening, "Now I am worried about the kind of women we're talking about."

"They're gay, there's that. They're not married, that's another good thing." Kelly smiled, hoping she wasn't pushing Lena too far.

Lena sighed, thinking of the only woman she wanted to date. "Fine, fine." It was for the best.

Stef woke up in a panic. She had the most terrifying dream. Actually, it hadn't been a horrible dream, on the contrary, it had been the most sensuous moment of her life. She'd dreamt of Lena's soft lips on her own, her slight touch trailing down her naked body. She didn't know how they'd gotten there or what else they could do but she'd never felt anything like it. When she woke up, she could feel herself, wet and wanton and very scared. 'All this talk of lesbians has me confused,' Stef deduced. 'How am I supposed to face Lena after this dream?'

Stef went to her bathroom sink and splashed her face with cold water. She looked in the mirror and the woman in front of her was a stranger. She had never felt so out of control. She was discovering things about herself that were so buried, only someone like Lena could have unearthed them. Lena with her sweet temperament, her tender smile and endless patience had reached down into Stef's core and stirred her emotions. She had invaded her mind and overwhelmed her senses. Even now in her confusion and distraction, Stef could only think of seeing Lena. She needed to see her, talk to her, listen to her. Maybe they could hang out with Brandon again, see a movie.

She picked up the phone, unable to resist the temptation.

"Lena Adams," came the prompt reply.

"Hi, Lena, it's Stef."

Instead of the usual warm greeting, Lena offered hesitancy, "oh… hi. Stef."

"Yeah… hi." Stef didn't know how to react to the sudden icy greeting. "Um, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight, watch a movie."

Lena wanted nothing more than to agree and spend every second she could with Stef, but she knew she shouldn't. "I can't." She decided to go for broke. "I am going out…" Lena sighed, "…on a date."

Stef was stunned into a silence. 'A date?' She thought. When her mind caught up, all she could manage was, "with a woman?"

Lena chuckled a bit at that, "yes a woman. I am a lesbian. Remember?"

This time Stef let out quick laugh. How could she forget? It was all she thought about. "Yes, I remember. I am just. I didn't… um. I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

"I wasn't. It's something new." Lena wasn't about to admit that it was essentially a blind date.

It just hadn't occurred to her. Of course she would date, Lena was the most beautiful woman she'd ever met. Women would certainly be lined up to go out with her. Well, if lesbians had any sense. 'They must like women like this,' she mused. Who wouldn't find Lena attractive? "New…" The stab of pain in her heart was entirely unfamiliar.

"We'll have to do it another time then. Listen. I gotta go." Lena promptly got off the phone and leaned over her desk, resting her head over her own crossed arms. She felt like crying. Her heart was breaking for no reason. Stef didn't want her. She wasn't even gay. She needed to move on.

Later that day, Stef sat in her house with Brandon at her side. They were going to watch a video together. Stef tried to put herself in the mood but the truth was that her mind was somewhere else. Her mind was on Lena and her date, her woman. Would Lena be picking this woman up, would they kiss hello? Stef's imagination took hold of her and the images were flooding in, one after the other. This other woman would be extremely beautiful, educated and confident. She would bring out Lena's dazzling smile and shy looks. Would Lena take her home? Were they that close already? Stef thought she knew jealousy, but she'd never experienced anything like this. Her heart was burning an ache into her soul. She felt wounded and rejected. She had nothing to offer Lena.

"Mommy, are you going to turn on the movie?"

"Yes, baby, I am going to. I am sorry."

"Is Ms. Adams going to come? You said she might." Brandon was innocent and obviously as taken with Lena as she was.

"No baby. She's not. She had made other plans." And once again, visions of said plans invaded her senses. She saw it all so clearly, Lena holding this woman's hand. They would walk into the restaurant as if they owned it. It was all too painful to consider. She reached for the remote and started the animated torture. Hopefully, the story wouldn't include any romance. She didn't think she could take it today.

Lena was struggling in a very different way. Kelly and Jenna had set her up with a beautiful, lovely woman named Miriam. She was gorgeous, educated, everything she could want in a woman. Except, Lena wanted Stef. She tried very hard to keep up with the conversation. She smiled when appropriate and tried to ask questions. Miriam seemed unaware of Lena's turmoil.

Throughout the date, Miriam smiled and laughed at all the right things. She was enjoying every aspect of Lena's personality. She respected her choice in food and wine. She was reluctant to end the date and ended up gallantly paying for the bill, despite Lena's numerous objections.

When Miriam dropped her off, she walked Lena to her door, hoping to sneak a kiss goodnight. Lena was not one to kiss on the first date and deftly dodged any attempt to get close. The failure did not keep Miriam from wanting another shot at gaining Lena's affection. "Would you like to go out again sometime soon?"

Lena needed to be honest with herself. Tonight had been a disaster. Miriam was a great woman but she wasn't Stef. Lena could not date another woman at this point because her heart was with Stef. She needed to get her out of her mind and heart before involving another woman. "I am sorry. I thought I was ready to date, but I am not."

"Another woman?" Miriam could finally see what she'd been missing all night. Lena's faraway look, her distraction. It all made sense now. She'd been blinded by Lena's spirit and beauty.

Lena sighed, "you could say that."

"Well, I am sorry too. If you ever feel ready, give me a call." Miriam leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek and bid Lena farewell.

Lena wondered why she'd have to be so unlucky in love. She always fell for the wrong women and when the right women walked into her life, they always had terrible timing.

Stef was enjoying similar luck. She could not stop thinking of Lena and the strange woman who might be kissing her now. By the time she put Brandon to bed, she had to admit that she was jealous. The thought of Lena and someone else was enough to drive her insane. She never wanted Lena to touch anyone or to be touched by anyone. The strange possessiveness was not something she'd experienced before. Sleep evaded Stef's reach, images of Lena were floating in her mind. She felt on the cusp of something, as if she had to do something before she went crazy. Stef had felt this way before, when she left her home. She'd felt restless and desperate. When the police force held its recruitment at the high school, Stef had found her calling. Now, a different kind of calling haunted her. She needed Lena and that's something she couldn't deny any longer.

The early Sunday morning light ended Stef's torment. She needed to talk to Lena. She finally decided that 9 AM was a perfectly good time to call someone who was used to waking up early for school. She picked up the phone 10 times before finally dialing the numbers. She hadn't even been able to drink her coffee. Her stomach was awash with butterflies. Their huge wings wreaking havoc on her empty stomach.

"Hello," Lena was as wide awake as Stef.

"Lena, um… hi." Stef's nerves were betraying her bravado.

"Stef." Lena could not help the effect that name had on her, her heart was thudding and her mouth had suddenly gone dry.

"Are you alone… I mean how are you? I don't want to disturb." In her nervousness, Stef had asked the one question that she had told herself not to ask.

"It's fine, I am alone." Lena couldn't help but chuckle at the question.

"Oh, I mean. I worried that I was interrupting your date or something." Sighing her frustration, Stef decided to just stop speaking.

"Ah no, it wasn't that kind of date. It just didn't work out." Lena could no more lie to Stef than to treat her badly. It just wasn't part of how she felt about the blonde.

"Oh good." Stef's relief escaped her mouth before she could stop it. "I mean bad. I mean, I am sorry for you."

Lena laughed, Stef had a way of just making everything better.

Suddenly relieved, Stef finally let the tension in her body go. She was emboldened once again, "Book club is tonight."

Lena shook her head. She had decided that maybe it was time to stop spending so much time with Stef. "I was thinking of not going."

"What? No, you can't leave me alone with them." Stef implored, desperate to hold on to any part of Lena.

"You were fine with them before." Lena pointed out.

"Yeah, but you are so wonderful in there that you've ruined it for me. Come on. I need you." Stef pouted.

Lena's conviction faded as soon as she heard the plea. "Ok, fine."

"Great, I'll pick you up at 6." Stef was soaring with her success.

"Pick me up?"

"Oh yeah, we're riding together, parking's tough at Megan's." Stef decided that a little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Stef, hmm…" Lena wasn't sure that it was a good idea but like most things involving the young cop, Lena was unable to deny her anything. "Ok, fine again."

Stef's euphoria could not be contained as she hung up with Lena. She wanted to buy a new outfit. She wanted a haircut, but it was too late for all that. She could head to the mall to see if she could at least find a nice sweater for the evening.

Lena spent the better part of an hour looking through her closet for just the right thing to wear. She felt comfortable in her professional clothes. She felt attractive and in charge. She also loved her most comfortable pair of jeans and a nice blouse. After trying out things she might wear on a date, she decided on jeans. This was not a date, would never be a date. She needed to tone down her expectations. By the time Stef knocked on her door, Lena could do nothing but regret her decision. She shouldn't be anywhere near Stef. However, all that went out the window as soon as she saw Stef enter her house wearing tight jeans that showcased all her assets.

"Lena…" Stef was equally struck by the elegance the educator managed to carry in the most casual of clothes.

"Stef…" Lena sighed, she was so perfect.

"Are you ready to go, I mean, we could hang out for a bit. There's a little time." Stef was beginning to ramble.

Lena grabbed her purse before she changed her mind. "Yeah, let's go."

Stef felt on edge, every nerve in her body was alive. She'd never been aware of anyone as much as she'd been aware of Lena this evening. She noticed everything, her body was vibrating with the knowledge of Lena's body. She'd been staring at her all night, noticing each and every thing about her. Her hair was luscious, her skin luminous, her smile dazzling. She sat next to her and tried not to faint each time she smelled Lena's scent, a mixture of her shampoo, perfume and lotion. She was finally ready to acknowledge an attraction to a woman. Everything about Lena was so irresistible.

At the end of the evening, Lena found herself at her doorstep once again. For the second night in a row, Lena was struggling to keep a woman at arm's length. This time it was for very different reasons. She'd felt Stef's attention all night and it was intoxicating. Stef doted on her. She'd anticipated each and every one of Lena's needs. She'd gotten her wine before her mind had even registered the need. Stef had already noticed her favorite crackers and had made sure Lena's snack plate always had a few on it. But it was Stef's warm gaze that had been almost unbearable. She'd felt the slow caress of her eyes as they lingered on her features every second of the evening.

"Well, thanks for driving me." Lena stopped right at the front door and hoped Stef wouldn't ask for more.

"It was my pleasure." Stef replied, the tone of her voice on the word pleasure sent tingles down Lena's body. Stef had no idea how any of this might work, but she wanted to be invited inside.

"Um… yeah." Lena could not respond and couldn't react as her body unconsciously leaned towards Stef.

Stef didn't need much encouragement. She took a step towards Lena and found herself so close that she found it hard to focus on anything but her lips. Stef could smell her skin and the sweetness of her breath. She couldn't help but reach with one hand and softly caress the regal cheekbones that had been tempting her for months. She'd never given in to her desire to touch a woman before. Lena's skin was incredibly soft. Before she knew it, her thumb traveled down to pouty lips and Stef found herself stroking the corner of Lena's mouth. Lena's breath hitched and suddenly they reached for each other and found themselves lost in a gentle meeting of lips.

For Stef it was like coming home, a home she'd never known existed. Lena was new and different but also familiar and so welcoming. It was impossibly tender, unimaginably erotic. Lena was feeling a similar feeling of belonging, of finally understanding true affection. She feebly tried to push away but it only made Stef press more firmly against her, essentially pinning her to the door. Lena instantly felt a familiar stirring deep within her. The woman of her dreams was kissing her and it was more exquisite than anything she could have conceived.

They kissed endlessly, first feeling their lips gently press against each other, getting used to their rhythms. Then, slightly opening up to each other, exploring the intimate delicate touching of wet lips and the first state of each other. Slowly their first kiss ended with a soft slow peck, then another. They were breathless, lost in the wonder of endless feelings.

"Lena." One word, sighed against lips, finally broke the enchantment of their joining. Stef's hand had never left Lena's face and she continued to caress Lena's features as their foreheads softly met.

"Stef." Lena's soul cried for this woman, this married woman, and the knowledge suddenly brought back the reality of their situation. Slowly, unwillingly yet firmly, Lena pulled away from Stef's embrace.

Stef felt the loss immediately and was left with a feeling of emptiness she'd never known. "Lena…" She had never wanted that kiss to end.

"Stef… no. You're married." Lena stood there shaking her head, trying to make sense of all that had happened.

"Lena, I…" Stef didn't know what to say. How could she explain what she couldn't make sense of herself?

Lena sensed Stef's hesitation and that was enough to push her into action. She willed herself to move and quickly went into her place and closed the door. Stef was left there standing wondering if she should knock. She decided to knock, calling out for Lena.

"Go home Stef." Lena yelled out from inside, leaning heavily against the front door. Stef wasn't hers, and she couldn't be second best. Not again.

Stef wanted to respect Lena and get some time to sort her own head. She also suddenly became aware that she'd kissed a woman out in public and that she was now yelling for said woman in the middle of the street. She decided to head home, but the feeling of Lena's lips still tingled on her own.


	11. Aftermath

Stef woke up the next morning determined to get through to Lena. She'd spent the whole night reliving every second of that kiss. She had gone her whole life without this feeling. She hadn't know what it felt to want this much. Part of her was worried at how much she had enjoyed the intensity of her encounter. Maybe this was what forbidden sin tasted like.

Stef had tried to approach Lena early in the morning but Lena was nowhere to be found at school. She did the second best thing she could think of, she decided to wait for her at her house. She parked her car in front of Lena's place, she hoped Lena would be home soon.

Lena stepped out of her car and was not surprised to see Stef jump out of hers. "We need to talk." She had successfully avoided the cop all day, but she knew she was just buying time.

Stef agreed, "we do." Stef couldn't help but look around, wary of the audience, "can we go inside?"

Lena shook her head in disappointment, thinking Stef must be feeling self-conscious, "fine, let's go in." Lena made sure to stay a few steps ahead, afraid to get to close, afraid something would happen, afraid nothing would. She led her to her small dining table. Purposely waiting for Stef to sit so that she could take the opposite side.

Lena gave Stef the opportunity to start the conversation, but when the silence stretched uncomfortably she felt compelled to begin it herself. "That shouldn't have happened."

"How can you say that, it was…" Stef was left breathless with the thought, but also wordless. She could not begin to describe this feeling.

Again Lena waited, but Stef wasn't giving her much. "It was a mistake. What about Mike?"

"Mike…" Stef had not actually thought about him for a while, certainly not since that kiss.

"Yeah Mike," Lena hated saying that name.

Stef was flooded with a sense of guilt. How could she just forget she was married? Divorce was a sin, how could she be contemplating anything more? She was an adulterer. "I hadn't thought about Mike." Stef spoke honestly.

"Well you should be. Are you getting a divorce?" Lena needed to know, she was not going to be some affair.

"No" Stef suddenly blurted out, defensively, automatically. She immediately regretted her words when she heard Lena's breath hitch. "I..."

A strange silence over took them both. They felt helpless at their situation at the strength of their feelings. "Well then, there's nothing to talk about Stef."

"Of course there is." Stef tried to explain, reaching for Lena's hand. "I have never felt this Lena. I need to understand. I don't know…"

Lena interrupted her, "here's the thing Stef. I do know. I am a lesbian." She let that sink in for a minute and turned Stef's hand over, held her palm on hers. In the continued silence, she looked from Stef's hand in hers, then up to her lips and finally up to her hazel gaze and added, "And I love you." She didn't know why she'd admitted this but she couldn't help it, it was bursting from within her soul. If perhaps she let it out, it would lose its power over her. But as soon as she said it, she knew that it was not the case. If anything, her love burst forth even more and overwhelmed her. Her voice quivered as she repeated, "I love you Stef and I can't hide it anymore. I need more. I am not… I don't." Frustrated, she finished, "You're married," as if answered everything.

Stef's heart melted. "Lena, I…" Stef felt so much but she knew so little. She felt like a stranger in her body. Her mind full of lies and truths and she couldn't tell up from down. She wanted to respond in kind, she wanted to make Lena happy, but she couldn't. She wasn't sure about anything. "I… I need time. I am overwhelmed with feelings for you and I can't think." How could she think while her hand was being held so lovingly, when Lena was making confessions that were making her tremble.

"Stef, time isn't going to change things. It's wrong, you and I both know it. I am not looking for adventure. I am looking for a partner in life, a woman to share the ups and downs with. A woman to raise a family with. I can't imagine starting something like that with lies and cheating. I can't. I don't want that. I've been there, on the other side. Are you bi, lesbian, what?" Lena let go of Stef's hand, frustration turning to anger.

"A … les…?" it was hard to finish the word.

"Lesbian. Stef, the word is lesbian. You can say it." Lena interrupted angrily.

"I like you Lena, I am attracted to you, the rest..." Stef hoped that was enough for Lena, for now. She didn't realize the full effect she had on Lena.

Lena was melting at that confession of affection. In most contexts that might have been enough, but this was Stef, the woman of Lena's dreams. She wanted all of her, not a piece of her. She shook her head, she felt like crying.

Then Stef saw it, a lone tear reluctantly escaping Lena's tight control. She couldn't bear her pain and moved quickly to Lena's side. Stef held Lena's face in her hands, and leaned in quickly to kiss away that lonesome drop. Pressing her face against the woman who held her heart, Stef felt more wetness on her cheek, both women were now leaking their emotions over each other. And suddenly, lips met lips, soft and pliant. Pain and desire mixed as their mouths joined again and again. Stef figured that if she couldn't say what she meant, she could show it. She could convey the depth of her affection through the movements of her lips.

Lena couldn't contain her emotions and keeping control was becoming harder and harder as Stef pressed against her again and again. She wanted to drown in Stef and indulge in the feelings of pleasure, to maintain this intimacy between them. But Lena was an expert at separating logic and feeling. She reluctantly pulled away from Stef, again. She didn't know how many more times she'd have to do that.

"This is why I can't keep seeing you because I can't keep my hands off you anymore." She punctuated the sentence with a slow peck on Stef's lips.

"I can't either," Stef confessed, allowing her hands to get lost in Lena's hair, a wish she hadn't realized needed to be fulfilled.

"Stef, Stef. We have to stop now, and we just can't keep doing this. It's not going to end well. You mean too much to me." Lena stood up quickly, straight to the door. "I wish you luck Stef. I hope you figure things out for yourself if nothing else." She was flooded with the memory of Stef's lips and scent. But she was also flooded with feelings from her time with Gretchen. She had felt so humiliated, putting so much hope in one person only to be betrayed. She couldn't be a part of making someone feel like that.

"Lena…"

"Stef… go. Ok, please, for me?"

Stef nodded and headed out the door.

* * *

Jenna shook her head, somehow she'd always known it would end up like this with Lena broken -hearted on her couch.

"I just can't take it anymore. She kissed me." Lena admitted sadly.

"Oh Lena." Jenna put her arm around her friend. Lena collapsed into her. "What was it like?"

"It was a revelation. This woman is made to fit in my arms, her lips made for mine… but she's married."

"So what? Women leave their husbands every day." Jenna had seen many a straight woman leave a marriage.

"Yeah but she hasn't and I can't cheat. I just can't participate in that. You know that." Lena choked out.

Jenna didn't say it but she knew well that Gretchen was behind that sentiment. Gretchen had really broken any trust Lena had.

"Besides, if Stef is willing to lie to be with me, she'll lie to me later. It's not a way to start a relationship. I couldn't trust her." Lena's own words soothed her pain. She knew she was doing the right thing. "I just don't understand why Stef had to be so perfect for me."

Jenna nodded and had to agree that Stef and Lena had chemistry. They would make the kind of couple your eyes were drawn to, beautiful, contrasting in every way. She knew her friend just needed her to listen. She had to work things out on her own.

* * *

Stef was going out of her mind. She'd called Lena many times. Lena was now screening calls. She'd even called the school and managed to get through to Lena who promptly hung up on her. Her mind was still a mess. All she knew was that she missed Lena. That kiss had changed something in her. It had ripped open the careful confines of her heart. It yearned for Lena. She just wanted to be with her, in any capacity Lena desired. It just seemed like Lena wanted nothing to do with her. Each day had felt like an eternity. In reality, it had only been a few days. She was going out of her mind. She'd spent days without talking to Lena before but now, things had changed. Everything seemed so urgent. She was on the edge of a cliff and only Lena could help her.

But Lena was shutting her out. She only had one person to turn to, Kelly.

"Kelly…"

Before Stef spoke another word, Kelly knew exactly what this call was about. Lena. Lena had spent enough evenings in her house during the past week for Kelly to know exactly what was going on. In spite of herself, Kelly couldn't feel anything but sympathy, "Stef."

Stef didn't know how to begin this conversation. She just knew that Kelly was the only person that she could talk to about any of this. "Um, I don't know how to begin… you see… Lena…"

"I know a little bit of what has been going on." Kelly decided to take pity on Stef.

"Oh." She was both relieved and horrified that Kelly knew about her situation.

"It's ok Stef. Stuff happens."

"Not to me, it doesn't. I … look, I am not good on the phone but I need to talk to you. Do you think we could meet?" Stef could not do this on the phone.

"Sure, you know the coffee house by my house?"

"Yeah, ok, when can you meet?"

"In an hour. See you then."

Stef was already sitting, coffee in hand by the time Kelly arrived.

"I hope you weren't waiting long," Kelly pulled up a chair and joined the woman. Stef had rings around her eyes and wore a frown on her face.

"Yeah, but that was my choice. I couldn't stay at home any more. I can't face my mother's questioning looks. I am sorry I called you. I just, my friends, they wouldn't understand. Plus, I am sort of in transition. My friends are from the force and everyone seems to be on Mike's side. Or maybe it's my imagination."

"It's ok Stef, I think we were on our way to being good friends before Lena showed up." Kelly had always found Stef's sarcasm and humor to be comforting compared to Jenna's more serious demeanor.

"I thought so too." Thoughts of Lena brought back all her worries. "I know I've hurt Lena and I don't know how to make that better." Stef stopped when a waitress came to take Kelly's order.

"A latte, thanks!" Kelly quickly dismissed the woman and turned back to Stef. "I think it all depends on what you want."

Stef shook her head, "I don't know what you mean."

"I mean… what do you want from Lena?" Kelly punctuated her statement with a lift of her eyebrows.

"I… am not sure. So many things, but I don't know. I am so confused."

"Ok, I am going to ask a different way, do you think you might like women Stef?" It had been so long since she'd dealt with coming out, Kelly was trying her best to handle it.

Stef opened her mouth and closed it several times. "I don't think so. I am attracted to Lena, that's it." Stef frowned, no, she owed herself the truth. "No, that's not right. Maybe. I may like women."

"Do you want to be with Lena?" Kelly saw her opening and forged ahead.

"I …" Stef could feel her emotions choking her. "I need time. I just don't want to lose her. I know that, I know that without a doubt."

"Stef, I get that. I get it. You need time. You deserve that time. This isn't easy. It's not something any of us figure out in a day or a month. A woman can make the process easier, loving someone has a way of clearing up things. But you're married. You are married Stef and it's not fair to anyone to carry on while you take the needed time."

Stef nodded, she could see that. "I know. I don't want to do that either. Cheating is wrong, it just hasn't been clear cut. Things are so murky, we're separated. You know? It's been that way for months."

"Ok, well, clear it up. You are the only one that has that power, but you can take your time."

"The problem is all I can think about is Lena, her smile, her kindness, her intelligence. I miss her so much." Stef was desperate.

"Ok, I don't know Mike, but I know Lena. This is not fair to Lena. She's been hurt. I don't know if I should tell you but she's been cheated on. You are the first woman she's felt serious about since then and it's not fair to her to be made feel second best. She also won't be the other woman. She wouldn't do that to someone else. She deserves better."

And suddenly Stef got it. She tried to picture a happy Lena, with all the love and family she deserved. And she realized she'd already made a mistake. She'd already ruined Lena's trust and that might be something that she would never get back. She'd already made Lena feel like second best. She'd made Lena question the strength of her feelings, all because she couldn't express herself. She knew she'd never felt anything like this for anyone before. She knew that anything she might have ever felt for Mike was nothing compared to what she was feeling now. But Lena didn't know that. Lena thought that Stef couldn't make up her mind between the two of them. Nothing was further from the truth. She just didn't know if she was strong enough to own the truth, to tell the world. Did she have the courage to love Lena the way her heart demanded?

"You are right. Lena deserves the world." Stef sounded defeated.

"She does. We all do. You do." Kelly could almost hear Stef thinking. "You can be happy too."

Stef chuckled sadly. "I don't know, but I know I don't want to hurt Lena." It was then that another thought surfaced, one that had been lurking in the back of her mind. "Then there's my son."

"Lena is great with kids." Kelly shook her head, Lena was born to be a mom.

"No, that's not what I meant. She's amazing with Brandon, they already seem to have formed a bond. I am talking about Mike. What if he…" Stef swallowed. "What if he tries to take him away from me."

"I am not a legal expert, but I do work at the gay and lesbian center. Courts in California are not likely to take your kid away for being gay. There would have to be other issues. You seem like a great mom."

"Are you sure? I can't give up my son." Pastor Dan's words were rolling around in her head, things about being unable to have children and being unfit and perverted.

"I am pretty sure. I know how to get legal help if it comes to that Stef. You aren't alone." Kelly smiled and hoped that Stef believed her.

"You have given me a lot to think about. I… hope I can do right by Lena." Stef meant that, nothing meant more to her than that and for now it meant leaving Lena alone.

And for the next few days, she tried doing just that. The only problem was her suspicious mom. Sharon had noticed her daughter was moping around the house recently, "Are you not going to the book club this weekend?"

"What? Uh, no." Stef was trying to give Lena space and use the time to clear her head.

"Why not? You were having a good time, making friends." Sharon found her recent behavior odd. In addition, the constant phone calls to one Lena Adams were down to zero.

"Mom, it's fine. I am fine." The last person Stef wanted to talk to about all this was her mom.

Sharon wasn't going to drop it, "you should at least call Le…"

"No, not Lena," Stef interrupted before her mother could get a word out.

Now Sharon knew something was wrong and she guessed she knew the reason, "Why? Something happen?"

Stef took a deep breath, "mom, let it go."

"Let what go?" They'd done this routine so many times, but this was often the only way to communicate.

"Nothing mom, it's nothing." Stef started to walk away, she needed to get far away, maybe go check on Brandon, see if he was still sleeping.

Sharon's opportunity window was closing, "Wait, Stef, don't walk away. You can tell me what's going on. I won't judge."

"You won't judge? You are the very definition of judgmental. I believe your picture is next to that word in the dictionary." Stef wasn't trying to be mean. It was just so hard to stop her mom once she got started.

"Oh Stef, that's not true. I just have opinions. I liked Lena, she was good for you. What happened?" Sharon suddenly got an idea. "She started dating someone?"

"What?" Stef's stomach heaved as she remembered that Lena was trying to date.

Sharon was not oblivious to Stef's reaction. "You know? Did she meet a woman?"

The words were stabbing Stef's heart. How could she live without Lena? How could she let another woman love the most amazing person she'd ever met?

"I thought maybe that's why she didn't have any more time for you."

And that was enough to send Stef right over the edge, "You're wrong, she loves me." Stef froze suddenly. She realized what she'd done the second she said it.

"She loves you?" Sharon's voice was shaky. Maybe she wasn't ready for this, but she'd have to be. For Stef. Sharon had to find the strength.

Anxiety was making Stef's chest rise and fall. She couldn't speak, no words could answer. Eventually, almost in a whisper, she admitted, "Yeah, she told me so." She couldn't deny Lena's feelings.

Now, it was Sharon's time to take a deep breath. The time had come. "How do you feel about her?"

Stef looked at her mother and seeing nothing but compassion in her eyes, she continued with the truth, "I don't know." Stef tried to kick herself out of denial. "I kissed her."

The words landed like bricks at the bottom of Sharon's stomach. She steeled herself, "and…"

Stef looked at her mother again, straightening up, trying to reach her adult height. Her lip trembled like the time when she was ten and she'd admitted to breaking the fine china, "I liked it."

Sharon had been in as much denial as Stef, but that was over. She could be strong for her daughter. She steeled herself, smiled and walked towards her daughter, touching her wrist gently. "And now…"

"Mom, what if, what if I like women?" Stef did not want to have this conversation with her mom, but she didn't have a lot of people to talk to.

Sharon hugged her daughter. Stef resisted, tried to push her away but Sharon held on tight. "You'll still be Stef Foster, daughter, mom…" Sharon was going to say wife but managed to change it at the last moment, "cop."

Stef heard the sentiment any way. "I don't think I can be a wife anymore," Stef realized, mumbling the words against her mother's embrace.

"Maybe not." Sharon agreed.

Knowing she had someone's support gave Stef a much needed relief. She thought of Lena, of having the courage to be with her. She wanted nothing more than to be able to step up for her.

She thought of the next steps and knew which one should be first. She pulled away from her mom. "I have to tell dad and Mike." She decided.

"Are you sure?" Sharon paused. "There's no going back."

"Mom, I don't know, it's why I am struggling. I know that I can't go back, but moving forward seems so difficult. Mom, I feel so alive when I am with her. I want to know, I have to know. I don't want to hide this, her. If I am doing this, it has to be with everything I have in me."

Sharon looked on, proud of her daughter. She'd always had her own mind and a sense of right and wrong.

"Stef, I love you. I am behind you."


	12. End of an Era

Chapter 12 – Coming Out

A long internal debate had resulted in Stef knocking at her father's door. She probably should go tell her husband that their marriage was over, but for some reason this felt more immediate. She had to tell her father first. She needed to be free of his influence on her. If she couldn't get through this, she wouldn't get anywhere.

"Stef, come in." Frank Foster was always happy to see his daughter, even if lately all their interactions ended up in a fight.

"Hi dad. Making a sandwich?" Stef noticed the telltale signs on the table, bread, mayo and cheese.

"You know me. What about you? What brings you here? I have groceries." Ever since Sharon had left Frank, Stef had taken it upon herself to make sure he had food in the fridge. Her father had never learned to take care of himself and Sharon would not set foot in that house.

"Yeah, no this time it's about me. I came to tell you something. I want you to know. I am getting divorced." Stef let that all out in one single breath. She had wimped out and started with the easy stuff first. Ironic that divorce was the easy topic.

"Oh Stef, you can't. It's not god's will." Frank's frown grew deep and he became agitated.

"Please, you're divorced dad. Save the speech." Stef had gathered all her courage for this conversation.

"It's still a sin." Frank was earnest and that was the part Stef hated the most. He really believed the stuff that came out of his mouth.

"Well, I am a sinner, I guess. Might as well get used to it because there's more." Stef took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was an adult now. "I don't think this will come as any surprise to you. You saw this long before I did."

"What are you talking about Stef?"

"Tess Brown. You saw it long ago dad and you were right. I am gay."

"Stef no, we dealt with this. It can't be. You married Mike, it was fixed." Frank pleaded, his only daughter's future slipping from his hands.

"You can't fix this. It's me, it's who I am and I am starting to realize that I can't be happy pretending to be the wife that you want me to be. I can't."

"You're not gay."

"I am. I am." Here it was, her big chance. "I am a lesbian." She could see panic in Frank's expression.

"No… don't say that Stef. Don't use that word. You can't know. You're confused. I can call Pastor Dan right now and we'll sort this out." Frank seemed calm and determined.

Stef felt like fleeing, "Oh no dad, you are not going to do that to me. Not again. I know myself and I am not wasting another ten years again. I am a lesbian." It was easier the second time. "I met someone and this is it for me I can feel it. She's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I can't live without her"

"I don't want to hear about no woman. Stef this is crazy. She has you confused, you're hurting over Mike. But your marriage can be fixed."

"I am not here for a discussion. I am here to tell you. That's what is happening and I hope someday, you can accept me." Stef decided in that moment that she would not let this fear rule her life. She would stand up to her father and not let anyone insult her for who she was. This identity, while new, fit her like a pair of old worn jeans. She wasn't an imposter any more. She'd always felt like a little girl wearing mommy's heels. No one was going to take this away from her, not even the man who had been everything to her when she was little.

"Stef, no, no." Frank was walking toward her and Stef rushed to the door.

"Yes dad, this is my life now. And if you want to be part of it, you'll need to face it. If I am lucky enough, the next time we meet is because you're meeting the woman in my life."

* * *

Lena watch Kelly come into the living room and felt the need to apologize for her constant presence. "I am sorry guys, I know I've been over here entirely too often."

"I understand," Kelly figured it all had to do with a certain blonde cop. "You're trying to avoid Stef."

"I can't take the chance of seeing her right now. I have very little self-control around her." Lena admitted. "But, you'll be pleased. I don't think this will go on for much longer. She has stopped contacting me or trying to talk to me."

Jenna patted Lena's hand in sympathy. "Women."

Lena chuckled letting her insecurity get a hold of her, "yeah, women. I was right to let her go, she's certainly experimenting if she's already moving on. Easy to forget, I guess."

Kelly interrupted, they were being unfair and judgmental. "Come on you two, Stef's dealing with a lot of things, cut her some slack."

"You would know…" Jenna cut herself off realizing she'd said too much.

Lena was too quick and smart, she had caught it, "what do you mean Kelly would know? Has she talked to you? What did she say?"

Kelly shook her head, if looks could kill, Jenna would be dead. "No, I mean yes. I talked to her but I am not going to talk about it. Stef has a right to her privacy."

"Did she talk about me?"

Lena looked so sad and defeated Kelly couldn't help but feed her hope, "I am just saying, don't give up on her. She needs time Lena."

"I know that." Lena admitted. "I am just afraid that she'll never be strong enough to live our life." She didn't add that she was afraid Stef just wasn't that into her, not enough to leave her husband.

"Yeah, it's not a life for cowards that's for sure. I just know Stef is a good person, we don't need to make up false motivations for her. Her issues are big enough."

Lena had to concede. Stef had been very straight forward with her. "She's not one to play games. It's why I fell for her." Lena looked a little surprised at having admitted that but Kelly and Jenna were not surprised. They'd seen their friend fall for Stef through these past few months.

"Falling in love is not a bad thing. Even while suffering, you're more alive now than you were before the summer. You were like a zombie." Jenna reflected.

Lena gave her a weak smile and turned to Kelly again, oh what could she do to get information from her. "So, um, what else can you share?"

Kelly laughed, "you'll get nothing out of me woman. Come on, let's distract you, that's why you came over. Garret has been dying to play games with you."

Lena loved the little boy and was happy to play with him, but what she didn't share with her friends was that playing with Garret reminded her of Brandon. That in turn, reminded her of Stef. There really was no getting away from her heartache.

* * *

Stef couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. It was a bit like pulling off a bandage, do it all at once she told herself. She'd admitted she was lesbian and that was the third time she'd used that word. She had broken Mike's heart and she wasn't done. She boldly added the part that she knew would be the official end of her marriage, "because I met somebody." His face fell and she could feel her own heart break at seeing his pain. Mike's face had been full of hope when she walked in, it was clear he had still been holding out for a reunion. Now, it had all crumbled and both were left in silence knowing things would never be the same.

"Who is she?" Mike finally broke the uncomfortable silence, confusion leading to anger. None of what Stef was saying was making any sense. She was gay? She met someone? But she had married him, she loved him, she couldn't be gay. What was going on?

"It doesn't matter." Stef was not here to bring Lena any problems. What was the point if Lena wouldn't have her?

Mike's voice was rising, losing control of his temper. "Of course it matters, how long has this been going on, do I know this…" Mike just couldn't say it, "this woman."

"No Mike, you don't know her. I never ever thought about anyone while we were married. But that doesn't mean these things weren't in me, buried deeply. I owe you the truth, we are married and I owe you that. I did not even think about all these things till after the separation. Things weren't working out and I know why now." Stef took a deep breath. "After we separated, I met a woman who brought back all these issues for me. We are not involved. She won't have me because I am married." She didn't think he needed any more details than that.

"You cheated then." Mike spat at her.

"We were separated Mike. It's important for you to know that I am ending things so that I can move on." Stef didn't know what else to say. She knew things hadn't turned out as expected, but she hadn't set out to do any of it. The alternative now would be to live a lie and that would make at least four people very unhappy.

"Maybe this woman has you confused." Mike wasn't going to give up easily.

"You're missing the point. I am gay." She paused again letting that sink in. "I can't be married Mike. I need figure out my life and explore this thing that's been with me. Always. I am not going to be able to make you or me happy by staying in this marriage."

"So you're gay, that's it for you and me? What about me?" Mike would not accept this.

Stef narrowed her eyes and spoke slowly, "Mike, you can find someone else to be happy with. Maybe we can both be happy then."

"I can't be happy without you. You belong with me, Stef."

Stef quickly shook her head. "No, I belong with Lena." Mike's eyebrow's shot up, Stef looked straight ahead, she'd made a mistake but she refused to be ashamed of what she'd said.

"Lena?" Mike didn't know anyone on the force by that name. None of their friends went by that name.

"I told you Mike, it doesn't matter. Bottom line is I want a divorce." Stef needed to stay focused.

"And Brandon?" Mike would desperately throw anything against a wall and see what stuck.

"Things have been working out with Brandon for months now. It will work out again." Stef decided to leave Mike in his confusion before things took a turn for the worse. Stef's nightmare involved custody arrangements. She hadn't ordered anything and wouldn't be doing so now. It would be best to just leave now because the waitress had stayed away, sensing the seriousness of the situation. "Mike, I don't want to get into it anymore. We'll continue the way we have been in terms of Brandon but I am going to be getting a lawyer. I can't live a lie anymore."

Mike tried to reach out to Stef but he could only watch her walk away. When the waitress came by to see if he needed anything, he could only think of a stiff drink. One that would prop up the wreck that Stef had left behind.

* * *

That night in bed two women lay in their beds thinking about each other. Lena at home reliving each and every second of the kisses they'd shared. An experienced lesbian laid bare by amateur kisses. She'd felt exposed with each touch of Stef's tender lips, her emotions seeping from her pores. She never cried in front of a woman. She never cried in front of anyone. Her mother had made sure that Lena understood tears were for cowards. Stef made her feel safe and Lena didn't think it had anything to do with that dandy uniform she wore so well.

She felt understood and known. The only thing missing in her caresses was commitment and trust. They couldn't have those things and Lena craved them desperately. Now recalling that mouth and that body, Lena could also admit that she desired Stef, the woman. She was having a hard time concentrating on anything but the memory of her hands on Stef, on the way her insides reacted to the blonde's touch. She'd have to fight the urge to take care of her needs tonight while thinking of Stef. She would deny herself that release in order to make the letting go a bit easier. Even as her mind pictured more intimate touches, she refused to indulge in thoughts of Stef.

Forgetting wouldn't be easy. She'd barely known the woman but her house was full of her touches. Things that had no business reminding her of Stef came alive with memories of her. The cup that she'd drank from, the chair that she'd sat on. Thankfully, Stef hadn't been in her bedroom. And without invitation, Stef's figure formed in her mind, reclined on her bed, wearing her uniform. The top three buttons were undone, her shirt had been pulled out of her neatly ironed pants. The belt buckle was undone and her legs were crossed. She was prone against her headboard, invitation in her eyes. The vision so stirring that Lena had to shake herself. She quickly got off the bed and into the bathroom to splash water on her face. No point in giving free rein to these dreams. Stef would never be hers.

Meantime, Stef lay in her bed also indulging in memories. Memories that fueled her commitment. She'd had the hardest day of her life. She'd come out to the two men that had dominated her existence. First, her father, whom she'd worshipped as a kid. A man she had wanted to please so much that she'd submerged her true self in order to make him happy. Then there was Mike, whom she'd loved and cared for, but not as a man, not as a husband. He had been a good friend and their relationship had been good enough. She might have been content if it weren't for the fact that memories of deeper feelings lived inside, creating chaos and longing. She was done trying to make either of them happy. She wasn't living for anyone else now. This was her life and she was going to live it.

Coming out to her friends had been a simpler task. She had picked a close friend on the force who was known as a gossip. She'd communicated her new found sexuality as one might disclose buying a new car. She knew that soon, most people at the station would know. She didn't want to hurt Mike, but she didn't know how else to proceed. She would not hide Lena, and she would not step on her feelings in order to save Mike. She'd already made Lena feel second best and she wouldn't make that mistake again.

As tough as today had been, Stef imagined tomorrow would not be any easier. She'd have to convince Lena that she was serious. She'd have one shot to really show her that she was ready to commit to her and to this new way of life. That's why she'd waited and sorted everything out before seeing her. She knew that Lena wouldn't wait around forever and wouldn't give her another opportunity. The things she needed to say to Lena weren't scary, Stef's fear came from the answers Lena had to give.

She didn't know what she'd do if Lena turned her down. Lena had slowly come to mean everything to her. She was her happiness. Her touches had brought a joy and a desire Stef had not known existed. She didn't know her well enough yet, but she felt as if she'd found her other half. Her love and trust were the kind of home she'd never had. Her lips brought stirrings her body had not discovered.

Anxiety settled at the bottom of her stomach. There was so much at stake but after today, Stef knew that no matter what, there was no going back. Tomorrow was the first day of the rest of her life.


	13. A New Beginning

The light of day launched Stef out of bed. She hadn't worked for the last 2 days. She needed every second to figure out and execute her plan. Today was all about Lena. Stef concocted a sure fire plan to get Lena to see her. After all the stops and starts of the past few weeks, Stef was sure Lena would not be welcoming of her presence. She needed to get her out of the school and with Kelly's help she would be able to see Lena face to face. Thankfully, Kelly had been more than willing to help.

After that, it would be all up to Stef. She knew one thing, she had to be honest. The truth was the only weapon she possessed. She just had to get Lena to listen and maybe, just maybe, her words might thaw the iceberg that had grown between them.

It was that honesty that led her to pick out an outfit that she felt comfortable in. Never again would she choose to cover herself in clothes that she thought would present her in a certain way. She'd always preferred comfort over other considerations. If honesty were her them, she knew just the pair of jeans she'd pick. She also knew the shirt, the one her mom would moan about each time she saw Stef wearing it. She hoped Lena would like it, but she knew deep down that she would. Lena had told her she loved her. Those feelings had nothing to do with her clothes, and she doubted Lena was fickle enough to have surrendered those emotions. Stef's job was to get Lena to let herself feel them again, the way that she was feeling them now.

* * *

A long day of problems had left Lena with a headache. She hadn't had a moment's peace, not even to dwell on her favorite subject, one blonde cop whose name she was reluctant to even think. Kids had lined up one after another with discipline issues. One boy had even through a rock at a car. It was a blessing that they were a charter school because they had a lot of discretion about the kinds of students they would keep. It had been a difficult conversation but this was strike three for a difficult child. His permit would be revoked, he'd have to find another school.

Now, it was late afternoon, most of the teachers and kids were gone. Most of the afterschool activities had wound down, but Lena was stuck doing paperwork. That one expulsion had caused her three hours of it. When her phone rang, she reluctantly answered, fearing another call from an angry parent. "Lena Adams, Assistant Vice Principal speaking," it was her typical school greeting, she said it so often that she sometimes answered her personal phone that way.

"Lena can you come out to the parking lot?" Kelly hoped this worked. Stef would be waiting an awful long time if Kelly couldn't get Lena out there.

Lena was perplexed, "why? Can't you come in?" Kelly never called her at work, and had never, ever demanded her presence there. This inconvenience on top of the day's irritation was getting to her.

Kelly was prepared, Stef had coached her on that anticipated question, "I have something for your house that I brought in my car."

"OK, so bring it in." Lena still couldn't see what the problem is and her frustration was growing.

Lena would have to make it difficult. "Trust me, you wouldn't want anyone in the staff seeing this." Kelly smiled thinking that Stef already knew Lena pretty well because she had also anticipated this question.

"Then I probably don't want it at my house." Lena laughed. "Kelly, what's going on? Tell me!" Her patience had officially run out.

"Lena just get your butt over here. I'll be by your car." Kelly hung up and hoped that was enough to get Stef and Lena talking. Stef hadn't needed to try too hard to enlist her in this plan. She had convinced her that she was ready, ready to be with Lena. That was all Kelly had needed to hear. She loved playing match maker and this was her best chance.

Lena sat in her office chair, staring at her phone. What had just happened? She was beyond done with this day but now she was curious. Kelly was clearly up to something but she wouldn't know unless she went out and looked. So she took the bait and went outside.

As Stef waited and time dragged on, she was surprisingly calm. She felt a confidence she'd never quite felt before. She was finally aware of every bit of herself. It was an amazingly empowering feeling. She was resting against Lena's car, refusing to believe that this might be her last chance. When she finally saw Lena approaching, she could see Lena's disapproving stare. Stef decided to face Lena confidently, show her that she was more than ready to be hers.

Lena walked towards her parking spot, but didn't see any sing of Kelly or her car. "If that Kelly is playing games, she's going to pay for it," Lena whispered to herself. That's when she saw a blonde woman leaning on her car as if it belonged to her. Lena shook her head, this couldn't be. Why would Kelly participate in this charade?

Lena would cut this at the root before Stef could get a word in, "I am not doing this. I am not. I am not getting involved with a married woman. Women like you, you are just passing through, but this is where I live Stef." She couldn't believe Stef was here again wanting to make a fool out of her. Stef wanted to experiment and see what it was like on the other side. And while Lena felt that Stef had every right to do that, it would not be with her. She'd have to find another woman who was up to that task.

Stef decided to go for broke. She could tell Lena was in no mood for her indecisiveness. "I told Mike and I told my dad. And I told all of my, well most of my friends. I told them I am gay." Stef had gotten through her well-rehearsed speech, she hadn't forgotten a word, well except maybe the one that she knew she shouldn't avoid. "I even used the word lesbian." Then she continued, this time the emotions in her heart overflowed, this was the truth that Lena didn't know. Lena had no idea what she had come to mean to her, "I told them I met a woman that I can't live without and I belong with you Lena."

Stef was a lesbian… that's the only thing she'd heard. No, she'd heard every word, every syllable, and each phrase was more unbelievable than the last. Stef had told her father, her husband and her friends. She'd said that she belonged with her… Lena Adams, that she couldn't live without her. Yet, the only word that stuck was lesbian. Stef didn't want to be married. They shared the same hopes and dreams of a partner, they both wanted a woman and they wanted each other. Stef was expecting an answer. She looked so sweet and insecure.

After what felt like an eternity, Stef could no longer wait, "that is if you'll…" She paused expectantly.

"You had me at lesbian." Lena interrupted. Stef had said the words out loud, words that she could not say the last time they had spoken.

They looked at each other than, a second that resolved the tension that had been building between them since they first met on that very campus. They wanted to be together. Lena had been first to lay her heart bare and now Stef was leaving everything behind for her. Lena's accepting words signaled the beginning of the wonder of their joining.

Stef took a step forward and pulled Lena towards her, her hands on her forearms, slowly tugging. Lena looked afraid and it broke Stef's heart. She wanted to prove herself worthy, to deserve this woman. She leaned in, slowly. This kind of intimacy was still new to her. She wanted to kiss her but started by just breathing Lena in. She got close enough to rub her nose against Lena's. She could feel her lips resting against the corner of Lena's mouth. She kissed her right in that spot, gathering her nerve, feeding her desire. Once, twice, the taste of Lena was sweeter than she remembered. Without guilt and shame, she move her lips slightly and felt Lena turn to meet her. It was their first kiss where the only emotions they were feelings were for each other. Stef felt full of love for this woman who had changed her life. She tried to communicate those feelings through their physical connection.

After feeling certain that this moment would never come, Lena was afraid the moment wasn't real. Stef couldn't want her the way Lena wanted her. But when Lena felt the demand of Stef's hands as they pulled her close, she finally accepted the truth. The taller woman felt overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through her body. She loved this woman who walked into her life and took everything that Lena was and made it hers. Stef was kissing her now and holding her in a possessive way that silently claimed, "you're mine." And she was, Lena belonged to Stef from now until the end of time. They took turns giving and taking, their lips joining, till finally Lena let herself go. She let her tongue slip out and gently lick Stef's lips, pleading for Stef's surrender. Stef yielded to her and Lena finally felt the blonde's submission. Stef also belonged to Lena.

Stef felt the tender invasion of Lena's tongue and their mouths sealed together as tightly as the union of their hearts. Tasting all of her, Stef pulled away slowly, needing to look into Lena's eyes, part of her required validation. Brown depths confirmed all she needed to know, it was real. They were both in it, together.

"You are amazing." Lena spoke, her fingers rising to caress those lips that had rendered her useless. She even forgot that she was at work.

Stef had never felt amazing, but at that moment she did. She felt in charge of her life, and she knew the reason well, the woman in front of her had changed everything. "You are." She placed another soft kiss on Lena's lips. "You helped me find myself."

"You're a lesbian?" Lena asked the one question she was dying to ask. In her most optimistic moments, she fancied that Stef might be bisexual and might be able to return her feelings.

"Yes. Yes I am. You're not the first." Seeing Lena's face drop, Stef quickly added, "No, I mean, you're my first kiss." She quickly reassured her by repeatedly stroking Lena's lips with her own. "You're my first woman," and hopefully my last, she thought. "But, I think I felt like this for my best friend in high school. My father. He, um…" Stef inhaled sadly, "he caught us cuddling and he had a priest try to talk the gay out of me."

"Oh Stef," Lena reached out and hugged Stef, not out of anything but a desire to comfort. She felt Stef stiffen up, unwilling to show weakness. But Lena held her and Stef gave in, accepting the comfort.

They held each other tenderly, thankful that the priest's efforts hadn't worked, that they were here together, that Stef was free. They stayed that way until Stef spoke again, "I have kept from being too close to women since then. I also got married in order to be what he wanted me to be. And it was never enough, it was never right. Then you came and made me feel." Stef stopped, struggling with her emotions again. "You just made me feel," Stef's tears broke through. "And it was good and it was right. It was so right."

They came together again in another kiss. Soon, tongues met again and this time the experience was not about discovery and newness. It was about needing to get as close as they could to each other, to feel their bodies pressed up close. They were melding together, breast to breast, hip to hip. And suddenly they both realized where they were. They pulled away quickly, but not guiltily, relieved that they were still alone.

"We shouldn't do this here," Lena's professionalism finally returned. She had always known Stef was trouble, she could make her do anything.

Stef understood but also never wanted to hide how she felt, not again, not ever. "I know but part of me doesn't care."

Lena laughed, "My boss might."

"Right, so um, when can we blow this joint." Stef was eager to get Lena away from this place, she stepped in closer again, resting her hands on Lena's hips.

Lena's hand rose up to Stef's face, stroking her features, her lips. "Are you asking me out?"

Stef wanted to take this woman anywhere and everywhere she wanted. She wanted to date her, instead she blurted out, "will you be my girlfriend?" With a smile on her face, she kissed Lena's wondering fingertip.

"I thought you'd never ask," Lena replied, letting her touch drift down Stef's face to her neck.

"Neither did I." Stef chuckled. By the strange melancholic look that came upon Lena's face, Stef knew how true their statements were. That could have been their reality, but their story had chosen a different path. Their book was being written and the pages were bare in front of them.

"So, girlfriend, when can you leave this place so that I can take you out to dinner?" Stef finally knew what real joy was and she was never letting go.

The End

Author's note:

That's it. I know, I wish there was more too. I am going to write a sequel. I just need to write most of it before I start posting again so there will be a break and considering the show is coming back on, it might be a long one. This part was G, I am not promising anything, but my intention is for at least one spicy scene in the next segment of their lives. It will take place immediately after this and all the way to the twins adoption.

Also, the repetition of the lines from the show, I wasn't going to use that at the end, corny and all. Then I thought, it would be fun to imagine that the reason that one of the reasons that Lena was so shocked and amused by the proposal was that she'd heard those same words before. So I kept it.


End file.
